


Sunny Nights

by BabySteveDooDoo, JamesBuckittyBarnes



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Anxiety, Bartender!Bucky, Depression, Emails, Friends to Lovers, Insecurities, Internet Slang, M/M, Panic Attacks, Pen Pals, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, School Teacher!Steve, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Texting, Unrequited Love, War Veteran Bucky Barnes, bucky is too gay to function, match made in heaven, memes as a way to express feelings, steve thinks he's straight
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-06-21 13:22:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15558651
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BabySteveDooDoo/pseuds/BabySteveDooDoo, https://archiveofourown.org/users/JamesBuckittyBarnes/pseuds/JamesBuckittyBarnes
Summary: "Sometimes, I think of the sun and the moon as lovers who rarely meet, always chase, and almost always miss one another. But once in a while, they do catch up, and they kiss, and the world stares in awe of their eclipse"Bruce Banner and Sam Wilson start a pen pal project to help their patients get some friends. When they pair up Steve Rogers with Bucky Barnes, everything goes horribly wrong (or amazingly right)In which Steve is sunshine walking and Bucky is a night creature.





	1. The Night We Met

**Author's Note:**

> This story is the result of intense brainstorming, daydreaming, planning, and role-playing. We've been working on it for almost a month now and we're very excited to share the results. 
> 
> This is gonna be a long one and we have about 6 chapters ready for posting. We plan on updating weekly (probably every friday).
> 
> This is a story about online pen pals and the first chapter is an exchange of emails between the two parties (so be ready for intentional typos and internet slang in general)
> 
> We want to thank Liv (her AU on twitter was what inspired this work). We love you!

 

> _“_ _When the night was full of terrors_
> 
> _And your eyes were filled with tears_
> 
> _When you had not touched me yet_
> 
> _Oh, take me back to the night we met”_

**The Night We Met - Lord Huron**

  


**From: Steven Rogers <**  **sgrogers@gmail.com**   **>**

**Date: July 7, 2015 7:35 pm**

**Subject: Pen Pal Project**

**To: <**  **james2b@gmail.com**   **>**

 

Dear pen pal,

 

This is my first e-mail to a pen pal, ever. My friend Bruce thinks it’s a really good idea and I guess I have nothing to lose, after all. In fact, I’m not sure you could be considered a pen pal because there are no pens being used, right? Anyway…

My name is Steven Rogers but literally nobody calls me that. People usually go for Steve, which is what I end up going by too. My birthday is on July 4, so I have just turned 28. I do not have many friends, but the three I have threw me a nice surprise party on Sunday. Thor and Bruce invited me over for dinner and then we watched a few Harry Potter movies. Sam came too but he isn’t a big fan, so he cooked some food for us. By the way, I am a Hufflepuff, there’s no way to deny it even though deep inside I like to believe I’m a Slytherin. Thor is as much of a Hufflepuff as I am and Bruce is a hardcore Ravenclaw. Sam says he’s “too old for that crap”, but obviously he’s a Gryffindor. Not that any of this is relevant, but still… It sort of is.

I have a major in arts and as of today, I am an art teacher. I work with kids mostly, but due to my school debts and all the other expenses I have, I am currently working with teens too. I work at a school which is a few blocks away from my apartment in Brooklyn. It’s a small place, but quite cozy. I had the coolest dog in the world, Nimbus. He was a husky and I loved him dearly, but he passed away a couple of months ago. My parents died when I was still in elementary school and this one girl I dated when I was in 9th grade has also left this world. Hit by a truck, can you believe it? I guess I’m constantly surrounded by death, so my current dog, Tobby, is a stuffed animal. It wouldn’t shock me if he, too, found a way to die.

Despite the tragic and lonely life, I think I’m a happy guy. I come home to my nest after work, I listen to my music (I’m COMPLETELY addicted to Pink Floyd at the moment), I cook, take care of my tiny garden at the balcony, watch some TV and sleep in my cozy bed. Sometimes my friends come over, sometimes it’s just me and my notebooks full of drawings and doodles. It’s not the greatest of lives but it’s good enough for me.

I guess that’s all for now, so… Thanks for reading, I guess. I’m not really sure what to say. I hope we can be friends!

Steve.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**From: James B Barnes <**  **james2b@gmail.com >**

**Date: July 8, 2015 3:50 pm**

**Subject: RW: Pen Pal Project**

**To: <**  **sgrogers@gmail.com**   **>**

 

Hello Steve

It’s nice to meet you.

I gotta be honest… When Sam talked about this email penpal thing I wasn’t sure if I was even going to participate. I’m not really good at talking about myself, you know? But I’m glad you emailed me.

My name is James Barnes, but no one really calls me that, except for my friend Nat (she doesn’t like nicknames). Everyone else calls me Bucky.

Happy belated birthday, Steve! Your friends sound nice. I turned 29 on March 10 and I was working, but my friends were nice enough to show up and have a drink with me (I work at a bar). And you’re wrong, I totally get a Slytherin vibe from Sam during our sessions. I’m a Ravenclaw, by the way.

Like I mentioned before, I work at a bar, with mixology, more specifically. I also make drinks at parties and stuff. I discovered I was really good at it when I was still in high school. Everyone wanted a custom drink from Bucky at parties. I’m also a war veteran, saw a lot of people die too. I’m very sorry about your parents, your 9th grade girlfriend and your dog. I know it must not be easy. I have a cat named Shuri, she ’s a tortoiseshell I found mewing in an alley when she was just a kitten and was as big as the palm of my hand. We’ve been inseparable ever since. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost her…

My life is not much different from yours. I watch a lot of late night TV, sometimes until I can see the sun rising from my window. I go for runs. And I also listen to some Pink Floyd myself! But I do have a really weird taste in music. Have you ever listened to Japanese 80’s funk music? If you wanna venture yourself, I highly recommend Toshiki Kadomatsu’s “If you wanna dance tonight”.

I hope we can be friends too, Steve!

Sincerely,

Bucky.

  
  
  
  
  
  


**From: Steven Rogers <**  **sgrogers@gmail.com**   **>**

**Date: July 8, 2015 10:07 pm**

**Subject: RW: RW: Pen Pal Project**

**To: <**  **james2b@gmail.com**   **>**

 

Hello, Bucky!

It’s really nice to hear from you. To be honest, I thought you wouldn’t want to write back because, well, I am definitely not interesting. But you did, yay!

Thank you for the belated birthday wishes. I guess I’m definitely too late to wish you a happy birthday but I feel bad for not doing it, so happy reeeeally belated birthday! How fun, you make drinks for a living! I don’t really drink much. I drank a nice cocktail once at Bruce’s party and it was really pretty, you know? It had those tiny umbrellas and a slice of starfruit and everything a drink could only dream of having. Next thing you know, I was found lying on the floor of his parking lot, hugging a lamppost and singing the chorus of “I Will Survive” over and over again. So… I usually stick to water. I also hope I didn’t just overshare like I usually do. Oh, well...

You’re a Ravenclaw! I think I should trust you with categorizing Sam as a Slytherin. I kind of see it too but I am usually annoyed by Griffindors, that’s why I thought he was one of them. I’m sure you understand where I’m coming from. Your friends seem to be nice too, I guess we’re both lucky. And you have a cat! I love cats, even though they don’t really seem to love me back. They more than definitely don’t. I don’t care, I still love them! I’m sorry for, well, all the people you have lost too. Going to a war is something I don’t think I’d be able to do. You’re very brave and I appreciate everything you have done for me and my country. Seriously, thank you.

By the way, I’m already kind of mad at you for introducing me to your weird music. Haven’t stopped listening to it since. Pretty fun, keep the music coming! I will think of something nice to suggest to you in return.

Lastly… I’m sorry I am already writing back, on the same day. I guess… I got way too excited because I got an e-mail from you and I just...Couldn’t wait. There isn’t much going on in my social life, so I kind of let myself go nuts a little. I’m not that needy, I promise. I’m just happy.

Hope I don’t scare you away with my excitement!

Steve.

P.s.: can you please pet your cat for me?

  
  
  


**From: James B Barnes <**  **james2b@gmail.com >**

**Date: July 8, 2015 01:07 am**

**Subject: RW: RW: RW: Pen Pal Project**

**To: <**  **sgrogers@gmail.com**   **>**

 

Hey, Steve!

Thank you for the birthday wishes hahah and that talk about you not being interesting is bullshit! You got ME writing back and talking about myself. It took many sessions until Sam could make me open up in therapy. I guess it’s because I can’t see you? Or because there’s no immediate response for what I say, just me writing it all to you and then waiting for your response.

I guess this pen pal thing was a good idea after all (although I'm never admitting it to Sam)

Also this is a great drunk story! I see all kinds of drunk people in my line of work, so I do actually have a say in this! I make a lot of drinks with starfruit, they look great on drinks. I think my greatest drunk story has to be the time when I went to a concert with my high school friends, and I kept flirting with the bass player and next thing I know I'm being pulled out of a tour bus by my friends who kept yelling "he's underage!!!" like crazy parrots!

Yeah, I guess we are lucky. Shuri is a very sociable cat, once she gets comfortable with you. I think she’d definitely let you pet her!

Oh, man, you shouldn’t get yourself into the wormhole that is my taste in music! You’ll never find your way back out.

And don’t be sorry for writing back so soon, I also couldn’t wait, so… Yeah. This is pretty much the most exciting thing happening in my life right now.

Also, stop apologizing for being excited! Sam might be annoying, but he is right when he says we shouldn’t apologize for having feelings.

Bucky.

Ps.: Shuri appreciated the petting

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**From: Steven Rogers <**  **sgrogers@gmail.com**   **>**

**Date: July 9, 2015 7:48 am**

**Subject: The RWs were piling up lol**

**To: <**  **james2b@gmail.com**   **>**

  


Good morning, Bucky!

I ended up falling asleep right after I sent you that e-mail. Like, RIGHT after. I woke up with the quiet buzz of my laptop, there were key marks all over my face… Quite the spectacle, if you ask me. Good thing I live by myself, or else the embarrassment could have been too much.

Sam texted me today, the little shit. He asked me if I had sent that e-mail I told him I would. I told him I was thinking about it, I didn’t want to let him know his plan had worked. I will put off his cockiness for as long as I possibly can. I can’t say it wasn’t a good idea though… I can already tell I will never hear the end of it when he finds out I’m grateful. Oh, man…

You were making out with a bass player? And you were drunk? And underage? You have lived a much more interesting life than mine, wow! Since you have started it, now you have to spill the beans. Is the band famous? Am I talking to someone who knows someone famous? Are you famous?

Not that it really matters, I’m just curious.

After thinking for quite some time, I have some music to suggest It’s a band, actually, they’re called “Steve ‘n’ Seagulls”. By the (awesome, mind you) name, you can tell they are pretty cool. I’m not giving any of it away, all I’ll say is: go to youtube and watch their videos. If you don’t like them, then we can’t be friends.

I’m joking, of course. We can be friends. We can totally be friends.

On a serious note, I’d like to thank you for agreeing to be a part of this thing. I can already tell this is going to be very helpful. And you’re right, we shouldn’t apologize for our feelings. I can, however, apologize for not filtering my excitement. Sam says I’m like a huge, colorful beach ball being tossed around by toddlers in unicorn onesies. Whatever that means.

All I’m saying is that… I appreciate the fact that you’re on board. So thanks.

I’m not really good at talking to strangers, so I’ll handle this like I handle a regular first day of class with the kids so we can get to learn more about each other, if you’re okay with it. What are your hobbies? What do you like to eat? If you could be a fictional character, who would you be an why?

Looking forward to talking to you again! Have a great day!!

Steve

P.s.: I don’t really know what to say, I just like the concept of p.s. things.

 

 **From: James B Barnes <**  **james2b@gmail.com >**

**Date: July 9, 2015 1:23 pm**

**Subject: they Really Were uh**

**To: <**  **sgrogers@gmail.com**   **>**  


Good afternoon, Steve

I just woke up, I'm an early bird like that.

Oh, man, that must have been a hilarious scene to watch. I woke up overheating with Shuri sleeping on my neck. I swear she tries to smother me in my sleep.

I'm not telling Sam either, at least for a while... Do you think that's too mean? Are we being mean, Steve? :P

Fuck, no, the band was not even close to famous! It was some pretentious emo band, they were a big deal in MySpace or whatever. I don't even remember what they were called. I'm just a very flirty drunk I guess

MY. GOD!!!!! I can't believe I hadn't heard of this band before??? I'm totally showing this to my friend Clint, he's a classic rock kind of guy and HATES my taste in weird music. This is classic AND weird. "You shook me all night long" has gotta be the most surreal thing I've ever seen. Those guys are wearing tank tops while walking on like 3 feet of snow????? In a farm???? AMAZING!

On that note, you should check out my favorite Christmas song: Don't Shoot me Santa by The Killers. There's a video, please watch it.

I'd like to thank you for emailing me because I don't think I would ever get around to talking to you first, so there's that! Well, Sam says I am a dark, sad ball being tossed around by teen punks, soooo (he never actually said that, to be honest, but he did say I am a sad person with a dark sense of humor). Maybe that's why he paired us up?

Now answering the questions:

My hobbies are watching TV (sad I know), running, reading and playing video games.

I like to eat anything unhealthy and weird, like Doritos dipped in ice cream, uncooked ramen noodles with ketchup... yeah, I can see your disgusted face from here.

If I could be a fictional character, I would be the Doctor (doctor who) because time travel and regeneration

How about you?

Bucky.

Ps.: I like it too

 

 **From: Steven Rogers <**  **sgrogers@gmail.com**   **>**

**Date: July 9, 2015 6:23 pm**

**Subject: I see what you did there lol**

**To: <**  **james2b@gmail.com**   **>**

 

Good evening, “early bird”!

I could use some kitten cuddling today, for some reason my apartment was really cold in the morning. It was hard to get out of bed today, but my kids were waiting for me! It was a crazy day at school today. The kids were working on a science project and the science teacher asked for my help. We built an entire solar system! It looked pretty darn cool, except for all the glitter involved. I had some water a few minutes ago and there was glitter in the glass somehow. Oh, lord.

About being mean, yes. We are being mean. And I think we can do better than that, I mean… The question you should be asking yourself right now is: Are we being mean… Enough? Hehe

Myspace! Oh my God, are we old or what? I had this ridiculous profile with a very weird dog layout. So bad! You must be quite the attraction, being a flirty drunk. I’d like to see that.

THEY ARE SO COOL, RIGHT? Man, the day I found this band was the day I found myself. I was reborn after this. Such a revelation! Talking about revelation, I watched that video you told me to. Dude, you are so weird. Sock puppets, Christmas sweaters, such perfect aesthetic! Good thing I have known Santa doesn’t exist for about a year now, otherwise I would have been heartbroken after this video. Give a man some warning before you bring up serious stuff like Santa Claus! Good thing at least Easter Bunny is safe…

You don’t need to thank me for emailing you. I did it mostly because Bruce has been incredible to me and he asked me to do it. I can’t say no to him, especially when I know he’s asking me to do stuff because he knows it will be good for me. He is not the reason why I keep emailing you though, you’re a really nice guy, Bucky. I don’t think I have seen enough of you “dark humored” side but I am curious now. And I hope you stop being sad. Sadness is important sometimes but I really hope it goes away soon.

My hobbies are basically art stuff. I like to draw and paint, I like to read, listen to music, I even play some, sometimes. I got a ukulele for my birthday, Bruce thought I’d like it. I did! I also like to take care of my plants and watch all the geeky movies available. I’m a huge nerd.

I like to eat well, so I eat a lot of salad and drink random juices and smoothies. I like to cook, even though I’m not a professional chef, it sometimes turns out good. I’m also a goofy potato, so I try to make my food look like other stuff. I once made a pancake that looked like a fried egg for absolutely no reason.

If I could be a character, I’d be… Man, I don’t know. Some people say I remind them of Bubbles. Yes, The Powerpuff Girls’ Bubbles. I think I could be Patrick Star too, Spongebob’s best friend? I am so lame, I can’t answer my own question. I’ll give it some more thought and I’ll let you know!

Have a great night!

Steve

P.s.: I forgot to suggest you a song again, so tonight’s choice will be Loituma’s “Ievan Polkka”. It’s a Finnish folklore song which is always stuck in my head even though I can’t pronounce one single word they say. Talk about a catchy melody!

 

 **From: James B Barnes <**  **james2b@gmail.com >**

**Date: July 9, 2015 7:30 pm**

**Subject: i’m obviously very funny**

**To: <**  **sgrogers@gmail.com**   **>**

  


Good evening, Stevie

I don't think I could ever work with kids. I'm not good with loud things, I even listen to my music in a low volume (unless I'm on a run, then it's loud enough to cover the sounds of the city), and I'm assuming a whole classroom of kids can be pretty loud! But I loved the science project, I'm a big space nerd. You should know glitter never goes away! I use edible glitter sometimes on drinks on specific events and let me tell ya that shit spreads like wildfire!

Yeah, maybe you're right, we're not being mean enough to Sam. Maybe we should plot something really evil!

My profile on MySpace was... Well........ Very dark. Yeah, let's go with "dark".

I swear I won't mess with the easter bunny too... YET! I'll give you a warning before I profane another capitalist creature lol

I've met Bruce a few times at the center. He looks like a real nice guy! Thank you for the compliment, Steve. I think you're a really nice guy, too. And as for my humor, it's only dark because it's often self-deprecating. But I'd rather laugh at my problems than to cry, you know? And my sadness is just there, you know? I've made friends with it. We have tea together and everything. I doubt it will go away, but who knows?

So you're an artist!!! That's amazing! I can't draw for shit, but I did play the guitar back when I was a teenager, not that I was any good at it, but it was good for passing the time.

Ugh! So healthy with your salads, juices and smoothies!!! The only salad I eat is pizza. Sometimes it has pineapple on it, so FRUIT!! I'm so healthy you can't compete. I cook stuff sometimes, but wouldn't recommend eating it. I think fried egg shaped pancakes must look quite awesome! I love pancakes.

Yeah, you give it some thought!! Bubbles is nice though, she's the strongest powerpuff girl, no doubt! I'd probably be Buttercup (that conversation is taking weird turns, man). I don't think you're Patrick Star, you sound way too smart!!

Have a great night too, Steve-o!!

Bucky.

Ps.: I can't check it out right now because I'm at work (yeah how professional of me to be on my phone writing to you, but it's not like anyone's gonna call me out on it, so...) but I'll definitely check it out once I get home!

  


**From: Steven Rogers <**  **sgrogers@gmail.com**   **>**

**Date: July 9, 2015 11:47 pm**

**Subject: You should be on youtube**

**To: <**  **james2b@gmail.com**   **>**

 

Good evening, Bucky.

I know, three emails on the same day. Who do I think I am? I’m sorry.

I can’t sleep for the life of me. I’ve been here in bed for almost two hours and my eyes just refuse to give me the rest I desperately want and need. I played my ukulele a little, then got some drawing action... Then I thought I’d write you something, hopefully for you to have something to see in the morning because well, you are probably fast asleep.

And by “morning”, I mean 4 pm, because this is when you’ll wake up lol

The kids weren’t too loud today, surprisingly, but you are right. They can get ultrasonic sometimes, some of them are probably X-Men or something. I have acquired a nice ability, I can simply ignore noises around me. I have a noise-cancelling brain, I guess.

Bruce is, indeed, a really nice guy. I don’t know what I would have done without him. When he told me to send you an e-mail, he said you were a nice man and that he thought we’d complement each other in a way. I kind of see where he might be coming from now. You’re friends with your sadness, I pretend mine doesn’t exist. I just really keep myself busy at all times when I feel it’s taking its toll on me. Today, getting busy didn’t help, so… Here I am.

I cannot believe you eat pineapple pizza. FRIENDSHIP OVER. I can take doritos and ice cream, I can even take broccoli chocolate cake… But not pineapple on pizza, come on! I could make you a lifetime of pancakes so you never have to eat that again. I don’t mean to brag, but I’m good at pancaking. Now it’s a verb, yes.

Oh, and about the character thing… I think I could say I’m Dory. You know, from Finding Nemo? She has a tough background, she’s forgetful and silly. At the same time, she’s very flamboyant (why did I even use this word?) and a huge optimistic little fishy. I’d totally swim across the ocean with a stranger to help him find his lost child. And then find said child and forget their name immediately. Also, she is blue and I have blue eyes, so it’s clearly a sign from the gods.

Hope you made it home safely!

Stevie (that’s new, I like it)

P.s.: I made a quick stop at a bar to wish a fellow teacher a happy birthday on my way home, I didn’t feel like socializing today. Her drink had glitter in it, it made me think of you. I don’t think you made it, unless you’re a woman. All the bartenders were women. Which is fine by me, obviously, even though it would be a little unexpected considering everyone told me you’re a man. Including yourself, I guess? Oh my God, I talk too much, I’m sorry.

P.p.s.: I’m technically writing, not talking. You got the picture.

  


**From: James B Barnes <**  **james2b@gmail.com >**

**Date: July 10, 2015 00:05 am**

**Subject: maybe I AM on YouTube**

**To: <**  **sgrogers@gmail.com**   **>**

 

Good evening again, Stevie (I'm glad you liked the nickname)

Don't be sorry! I like talking to you. I think I've never exchanged so many emails with someone in my whole life!

And, no, I am definitely not asleep. I'm a night creature. Like an owl, or a wolf, or a cat... I'm still at work, actually. Thursday nights can get busy, so I'll be here for at least one more hour.

Oh, God. Supersonic kids... I would die!

I am really surprised and flattered Bruce said all these nice things about me! Well, they do say the opposites attract or something like that, right? I've never believed that, but you and I are getting along so well I might start to rethink that...

COME ON! PINEAPPLE ON PIZZA IS GREAT!! Have you ever even tried it?? It's a genius combination! But broccoli chocolate cake?? Even I'm not crazy enough to try that! But I like where your imagination is headed hahaha Maybe you could try weird pancake combinations since you're such a pancaker (looks at us verbing) yourself.

Finding Nemo is a great movie, and Dory is a great character, I can see where you're coming from.

Bucky.

Ps.: Bitches be copying my drinks!! But what can I do? I'm great like that hahah jk and yeah, I am indeed a man, unfortunately! I would make way better tips if I had boobs...

P.p.s: Stop apologizing!!

P.p.p.s(?): I'm sorry you're sad. I hope this email distracts you a little from it. If not, you can always give me your phone number so I can try to distract you via funny texts (I promise I won't send you dick pics lol)

 

 **From: Steven Rogers <**  **sgrogers@gmail.com**   **>**

**Date: July 10, 2015 0:26 pm**

**Subject: I spent 30 minutes trying to find you and I feel stupid now**

**To: <**  **james2b@gmail.com**   **>**

 

Hey, Bucky.

I shouldn’t be writing to you, you’re still at work and awake (duh), but… Yeah, I’m still awake and I am here keeping you from working, again. I’m sorry. I just… I really can’t help it. Today was a very rough day on me and I’m taking all the chances I get to escape from my mind.

In fact, I’m not technically at my best right now, so I’m sorry if this is shorter than usual. I should wait to write you back in the morning, properly and with some decency, but I didn’t want to wait. If everything goes as I believe it will, in the morning I’ll be easily mistaken by a member of the zombie cast of The Walking Dead and you deserve better than that.

So, well… Thank you for trying to distract me. Things would have gotten much worse if I were alone, I’m lucky to have you to talk to.

And hey, I just met you… And this is crazy.

But here’s my number, so send me funny texts and memes maybe: 718-553-730

Stevie

P.s.: Yes, you are that great even not having any boobs.

P.p.s.: I’m sorry I say sorry too much.

P.p.p.s: I will take whatever you have to send me, even dick pics. Thank you so much for being here for me. Really.

P.p.p.p.s.: I was joking about the dick pics hahaha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work has a playlist! Visit to listen to all the songs mentioned here :) (it will be updated constantly as more songs are mentioned)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtlgYxa6BMU&list=PL6qpdcZ2KtWlqE_U3ziQukOLiCZA2qg-U
> 
> Next chapter: text messages!
> 
> Ps: please let us know how you guys are liking it so far!


	2. Grey Room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky exchange texts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter came early because we wanted to say a little thank you to all of those who took their time to read the first chapter and leave us kudos and comments. It's a short one but don’t worry: the next one will be posted on Friday as usual!
> 
> Warning: internet slang, typos and autocorrect

 

> _“Yeah, well I've been here before_
> 
> _Sat on a floor in a grey grey mood_
> 
> _Where I stay up all night_
> 
> _And all that I write is a grey, grey tune”_

**Grey Room - Damien Rice**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The songs mentioned here will be on our playlist!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtlgYxa6BMU&list=PL6qpdcZ2KtWlqE_U3ziQukOLiCZA2qg-U


	3. Here Comes The Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Steve Rogers, the sun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another Friday, another chapter...
> 
> ... Except that it's actually Saturday because we forgot to post. Oopsie!
> 
> Anyway, here's the third chapter! We would like to thank everyone for sticking around and, if you're new, welcome to our little parallel universe! Please do not hesitate to let us know what you think! See you on Friday!

 

> "Little darling, it's been a long cold lonely winter…
> 
> Little darling, it feels like years since it's been here…
> 
> Here comes the sun
> 
> And I say
> 
> It's all right"

**Here Comes The Sun - The Beatles**

 

The previous night had been a tough one on Steve: after a long and stressful day at work, he went home to find out the leftovers from the day before had gone bad. The shop nearby was already closed, which led him to make himself some _disgusting_ instant noodles he found lost in his cabinet.

‘Of course it had to be today’, he thought. It was July 10th. Twenty years ago today, he had lost his parents in a tragic car accident, which he miraculously survived. The family was going to Disney World, his mother Sarah had promised him that it would be his birthday gift. The road trip had been carefully planned by mother and son and his father, Joseph, had finally convinced his boss to let him take a week off. They were all very excited to spend some time together, Steve was overjoyed to finally see what Disney World was like. Sarah had baked them cookies and made some incredible snacks for the trip. Steve, who was eight at the time, was digging through the cooler placed behind his father’s seat to get his bottle of water when it all happened.

A truck, whose driver had fallen asleep, collided with their car, making it flip over four times before it landed abruptly on its four wheels. It took young Steve a moment to understand what was happening. He called his father, but he didn’t reply. He then called his mother, who he could see from where he was. Her face was covered in blood, but she was awake. She told him to get out and go get help. His small body at the time allowed him to escape through the hole left by the window glass, which had been shattered with the impact, and despite the fear and pain from all the bruises and wounds, the boy ran as fast as he could.

He was about fifty feet away when he heard the explosion. He didn’t dare to look back.

He was alone.

His parents’ friends, Brian and Rebecca, were the ones who went to pick him up at the hospital. They had a son, Bruce, who was fourteen at the time and with whom they had a lousy relationship. The couple took Steve home and gave him a roof and food for about four years, providing him with what was essential for his survival, nothing else. Bruce, on the other hand, was Steve’s guardian angel. He helped him cope with the loss of his parents, assisted him with his homework and school assignments, taught him how to play videogames and treated him like the little brother he didn’t know he wanted so bad. The two of them had bonded in a very deep way and Bruce refused to leave Steve behind when he moved out to go to college. Brian and Rebecca were good people, but they were terrible parents. Steve didn’t need any more stress.

The years went by, Steve finished school and managed to get into a very respectable university right after that. He was very happy to pursue his dream and thanks to Bruce’s emotional support throughout the entire process, he found himself ready to rent his own apartment. It was much smaller than Bruce’s, the man worked as a therapist after he finished college and made probably three times more money than Steve at the moment, but it was what the could afford. Steve worked at a pet shop, he loved to spend his day surrounded by animals. The money was enough to cover his expenses throughout college but he lived on a very tight budget. It didn’t matter, he was proud of what he had accomplished then.

A few years after that, Steve got his degree in art and started working as an art teacher at a school in Brooklyn. He moved to a still small, but bigger and better apartment, he now had weekly appointments with Bruce at the therapy clinic - after all, there was nobody better than Bruce to be his therapist - and things seemed to be going well… Until his alarm went off.

 

-

 

It was already morning, even though it felt like he had just fallen asleep. Because of all the emotional weight of July 10th, Steve had struggled to sleep the previous night and spent most of it texting his new friend, Bucky, who had very generously offered his company and support. They talked about the most random subjects, discussed an episode of a sci-fi show Bucky was watching…

Oh, Bucky!

Steve reached for his phone in a fast movement, slightly panicking when he realized he had fallen asleep out of the blue. He checked his texts and let out a long sigh when he realized he, indeed, had stopped talking to Bucky abruptly. Even though he knew Bucky had probably connected the dots, he felt bad for being impolite and not wishing his kind friend a good night. He didn’t even thank him for his company! Outrageous.

He quickly sent him an apologetic text, thanking Bucky for the support, and got out of bed so he could start his day. Despite being sleep-deprived and having dark circles under his eyes, Steve couldn’t remember the last time he felt this good. He showered, had some cereal for breakfast and left his apartment with a discreet but very present smile on the corner of his lips.

Steve really thought Bruce was going a little bit too far with the concept of getting him connected to an unknown person, even though Bucky wasn’t a complete stranger to Bruce, they had met before once or twice. They also had a friend in common, Sam, which made Steve confident that Bucky was a person he could trust. This thought was reassuring in a way because Steve felt like Bucky had been there from day one. He couldn’t get his mind around the fact that he felt so close to a person he had never met before, but it felt right.

It didn’t take him long to get to work. Smiling from ear to ear, he greeted his colleagues and spent a few minutes with them in the teachers’ room before they all left to their respective classrooms. The kids were a handful, but they absolutely adored Steve and he had a lot of fun teaching them art and getting to see their projects come to life. Because his mood was even better than usual that morning, he decided to go the extra mile with his pupils. Yes, he used glitter. A lot of it. Bucky would definitely make fun of him if he saw how sparkly he looked when he walked out of that classroom.

As usual, while the children worked on their assignments, Steve allowed his mind to wander. It went straight to Bucky, as it had been happening since they met. He couldn’t help but wonder what the man looked like. Not that it mattered, he would never judge a book by its cover and he already knew the content of this metaphorical book was incredible, so the cover didn’t really matter. However, it didn’t keep him from being curious. Steve spent most of his free time thinking about his new friend, trying to predict what he sounded like, how tall he was, if he had an accent, if he, too, wondered what Steve looked like...

While he was having the time of his life in class, he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He didn’t even need to look at the screen to know it was Bucky because, well, nobody texted him, ever. Exchanging phone numbers was a great idea and Steve was taking full advantage of it.

The day went by quickly and effortlessly. Steve found himself pulling his cart around the aisles of the grocery store with one hand, the other hand holding his phone. He was _definitely_ not going to have instant noodles that night. Instead, he would make a really nice salad and allow himself a generous slice of cheesecake for dessert because well, it wouldn’t hurt to have a bit of sugar in his system.

He walked home with his bags and started working on his dinner, which he gladly devoured once it was done. Listening to the playlist he had made with all the songs Bucky introduced him to and a few other songs he liked, Steve started working on his chores. It didn’t take him as long as he thought it would to get everything done, his good mood had surely increased his efficiency. He was not complaining.

After a few hours of intense housework, Steve still had a lot of energy to spend. Bucky was working and he did not want to bother him with random texts, so he had to find something else to do to keep his mind busy. Fearing for another sleepless night, he decided to hit the gym and get himself exhausted. When he got back home, a couple of hours later, Steve crawled into his shower and washed away all the sweat, finally feeling tired. He was so tired that he allowed himself to lie in bed before he even got dressed. It was warm anyway, so he didn’t really care.

He was almost falling asleep when his phone buzzed on his night table. Bucky had texted him, complaining that there were a few annoying sports enthusiasts at the bar. Steve replied quickly, mocking his new friend for his back luck. Suddenly, a quick chat became a deep conversation on why bananas were often called bananas in so many languages when all other fruits had more variation in their names. In the blink of an eye, it was already 2:45 am and Steve was, once again, going to be sleep-deprived for his next work day.

He didn’t mind it in the slightest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The songs mentioned here will be on our playlist! We will update it as more songs are mentioned!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtlgYxa6BMU&list=PL6qpdcZ2KtWlqE_U3ziQukOLiCZA2qg-U


	4. I am the moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Bucky, the moon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Friday!!!! And here's the new chapter ;)
> 
> In this one we get to know Bucky a little better: we learn about his past, his routine, and his friends. 
> 
> TW: descriptions of physical trauma and episodes of anxiety and panic attacks.

 

> _“You are the sun_
> 
> _I am the moon_
> 
> _Chase you around like a better fool_
> 
> _Sometimes I go dark_
> 
> _Blocked by the world_
> 
> _You shine so bright, on the other side_
> 
> _Gives light to the Earth”_

**I Am The Moon - White Buffalo**

  


Bucky was having the same old nightmare when his cat woke him up. It was the one where he was fighting World War II instead of Afghanistan, hiding inside a freezing cold fox hole, watching his boots drown in the mud while he waited for an explosion that never came. He knew how it ended: he would emerge from the hole and the explosion would finally come, whitening out his vision and waking him up; his heart beating a mile a minute.

The cat greeted him with an excited purr and licked his nose.

"Good morning to you, too, Shuri," he patted her head, silently thanking her for waking him up.

He fetched his phone from the bedside table to check the time, a smile creeping on his lips when he saw the notification for a message Steve had sent him in the early hours of the morning.

Bucky typed out his answer before getting up, feeling a sudden disposition and a will to live he hadn’t experienced in God knows how long.

  
  


It was a strange feeling, talking to someone the way Bucky had been talking to Steve. The guy didn't have a face or a voice, he was just a bunch of words Bucky read on his phone, and still, he had such an impact on Bucky's life in so little time it was kind of ridiculous.

Bucky turned on the TV and surfed the channels while sharing some cereal with Shuri on the couch; he would never get tired of the little crunching sounds she made while chewing. Just as he gave the cat another cornflake, he felt his phone buzz at his side.

  
  


Bucky had slept so much earlier he didn't even get to see the sunrise. Usually, he watched TV until the sun was rising, then he put on his running shoes and earbuds and went for his morning run. He liked the city at the early morning hours. Nature was just waking up and the streets were calm.

But last night, talking to Steve, Bucky had started to listen to Explosions in the Sky and the next thing he knew he was waking up to a woman screaming on TV. He then turned off the television and dragged himself to his bed, falling back asleep almost instantly.

He was glad for the good night of sleep, even if it messed with his already messed up routine. He could acquire healthier habits if he was being honest with himself (which he rarely was).

It's not that Bucky wouldn't like to go to bed at a decent time. It was just that when he lay there in the dark without any distractions, his brain was so loud, driving him into a panic attack or a rough night of nightmares and sweat.

He had to exhaust himself so he could lie down and just fall asleep.

Of course, he knew he was being stubborn, refusing most of the meds his psychiatrist prescribed. He tried them, and they made him a zombie, clouded his judgment, messed with his thoughts. He felt like a drug addict, popping pills every time a bad thought entered his brain.

So it was harder this way, but at least he was himself. Even if sometimes he wouldn't sleep for two days straight. Even if he had to run until his lungs were collapsing. He knew once the adrenaline rush died out, his body would be so tired it would just shut down.  


Looking at the bathroom mirror after his shower, Bucky realized he'd been ignoring his reflection for so long he wasn't even sure what he looked like anymore. He wiped the steam from the glass with his palm and contemplated his neglected appearance. He was lucky that beards were very in these days, and that man buns were a thing. Natasha had told him he was one pair of glasses and a plaid shirt away from being a hipster and, hell, she was right.

So Bucky shaved and brushed his hair back, tying it neatly at his nape. He knew Nat would give him shit for it, but he was in enough of a good mood to deal with it.

He took a look at his left arm, covered in ugly scar tissue. He vividly remembered having his arm on fire after the explosion, looking at it in shock for seconds that felt like hours, before he could remember his training and rolled on the floor. He had stood up almost instantly to help save as many people as he could, soldiers and civilians. It was only when one of his mates had asked if Bucky was okay, staring at his arm, that he noticed his shirt had melted into his skin. It was ugly, it hurt, and although he'd fainted a few times during the process, he remembered the pain as the medic staff cleaned it, scrubbing out the coat of burnt fabric and skin until most of his arm was but raw muscle.

After that, at the hospital in New York, Bucky was out of it for most of the time, stuffed with painkillers. He remembered the bandages covering his arm and shoulders. He remembered the doctor telling him that nearly eighty percent of his left arm was covered in third-degree burns. He remembered the doctor talking to Bucky's mom about considering amputating the arm altogether.

Bucky did feel self-conscious about his arm, sure, and he was always wearing long-sleeved shirts, yes, but at least he had an arm to put on a sleeve, and he would always be grateful to his mom for putting her foot down and not letting the doctors take the easy way out with him.

He liked to think that someday he would have the courage to wear a T-shirt, or even a tank top, and not care about the looks people gave him.

 

-

 

"James! You're… Not late,"  Natasha pointed out when Bucky got behind the counter through the staff entrance, pausing mid-sentence when she saw him and squinting at his face. "What's the occasion?"

It took Bucky a few seconds to realize that Nat was talking about the change in his appearance.

"Nothing special, just..." Bucky trailed off, then shrugged. "You know."

Being a war veteran herself, Natasha knew how hard it was for Bucky to care for himself most of the time.

"You look good," she smiled and turned around to put a couple of cold beers on the counter, not even giving Bucky the chance to thank her.

It was Friday night, after all, and the bar was busy. There was some baseball game on Bucky wasn't really paying attention to, checking his phone every free minute he got.

He was texting Steve - who was currently shopping for groceries - about how much he disliked sports when a loud wave of cheering and yelling startled him, making Bucky almost drop his phone.

"Shit!" He cursed under his breath, his heart almost jumping out of his ribcage.

"James, you okay?" Nat was instantly at his side, her voice but a whisper and her hand caressing Bucky's shoulder.

"Yeah, I was just distracted."

Bucky gave her a crooked smile, but Nat didn't let go until he took three deep breaths and calmed his heart down. He should be used to it by now, working at a sports bar during game nights and all. The tension that built up before a team scored - or almost scored - would leave the place dead silent. And after that, the curses and the cheering, it was usually very intense.

He looked back at his phone once the moment was gone, relaxing as he read Steve's messages, then put it back in his pocket.

  
  


Nat was a good friend. She and Bucky had been there for each other through a lot of shit.  They had met at the VA, before Bucky's first appointment with Sam. He was so afraid of talking about his feelings that he passed out in front of the building.

To be fair, he hadn't eaten anything in a while, and he was so nervous he'd been sweating his brains out, walking in circles with his cigarette between his lips, trying to gather the courage to meet with his fucking therapist.

Nat and her boyfriend, Clint, just happened to be watching Bucky the whole time while Nat was smoking her own cigarette, and caught Bucky before he could hit the floor too hard.

Since then, Nat had gotten Bucky this job and he couldn't complain, although it took some time for him to get used to the noise.

Nat had been there for Bucky every step of the way, though, being a reassuring shadow as Bucky smoked his panic away; and holding his hair when he vomited his anxiety inside the trash can behind the bar.

Bucky, on the other hand, had caressed Natasha's closed fists as he held her from punching rude men right on their sexist noses, even when Bucky wanted to punch them himself.

He had also cleaned the blood from her knuckles and bandaged her hands when she took out her frustration on the walls of the alleyway that led to the back door.

If it wasn’t for her, God knows where Bucky would be at this point.

Nat's shift was ending, so Bucky took his phone out again to write a quick reply to Steve, smiling when the other man answered him quickly.

  
  
  


He was so caught up in the nonsense he was texting Steve, contemplating the idea of working in such an awesome place that he didn't notice Nat approaching him.

"Did someone send you dirty pics or something?" She asked, trying to look over his shoulder to see the screen of his phone.

Bucky looked at her, a devilish smile on her face, then stuttered, “W-what? Why?”

Nat raised her eyebrows. “Come on, James, you do know you're smiling at your phone like a lunatic, right?"

Bucky frowned, pocketing his phone again.

"I was?" He really hadn't noticed, but now that Nat pointed it out, his cheeks did kind of hurt a little.

She gave him a puzzled look, then smiled, kissing him on the cheek.

"I gotta go, Clint is waiting for me. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah, you will," Bucky kissed her forehead and waved her goodbye as she walked past the back door.

As the night progressed, the bar got busier and Bucky busied himself with making and serving drinks, and the thoughts about Steve got pushed into the back of his mind.

It was only when he was walking home, with his earbuds in his ears, listening to Pink Floyd, that he thought about Nat's words. Bucky wasn't the kind of person who smiled very often, not since the war, at least. Much on the contrary. Clint actually called Bucky "Grumpy Cat", replacing Bucky's face with the cat's on photoshop whenever Bucky wasn’t smiling in their selfies.

So the fact that he had been smiling at his phone, reading Steve’s texts… Bucky honestly didn't know what to think about that.

He got home, kicked off his shoes, picked up Shuri and let her rest in his lap while he watched Star Trek Voyager, trying not to think about his feelings, at least not for a while.

He would burn that bridge when he got to it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's really important to remember that Bucky's coping mechanisms aren't healthy! If you're struggling with mental illness, seek medical attention and take your meds, for they are an important step towards recovery!
> 
> We have a playlist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtlgYxa6BMU&list=PL6qpdcZ2KtWlqE_U3ziQukOLiCZA2qg-U


	5. I Don't Feel Amazing Now

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It doesn't really matter how much you make plans. Sometimes, things just... Happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's Friday again, so Chapter 5 is here! 
> 
> You might want to fasten your seatbelts before reading, this one is like a rollercoaster ride. We hope you all like it and we'd also like to encourage you to share your thoughts with us, you can't imagine how much they help, motivate and inspire us! For those who have done that, we once again express our gratitude, you are the best :)

 

> _“Just take my hand and laugh like you are crazy_
> 
> _Oh take my hand and tell me life is fair_
> 
> _Oh take my hand and tell me I'm amazing, darling_
> 
> _'Cos I don't feel amazing now, amazing now”_

**I Don’t Feel Amazing Now - Guillemots**

 

A week had passed and it was Friday again. Bucky was working, again, but it was Nat’s day off and whenever that happened, Bucky wished he could have the day off too so he could hang out with his friends. He knew Nat and Clint were watching Game of Thrones underneath their blankets like an old married couple, probably having Chinese takeout.

Ever since Bucky had told them about his new friend, they wouldn’t shut up about it. He had only told them because Nat thought that all the smiling at his phone meant that Bucky had a boyfriend that he wasn’t telling his friends about.

“Are you dating someone famous, James? Is that why you’re so secretive about it?” Natasha had asked one day at work, bringing up the subject for what must have been the 100th time.

Then, finally, on Wednesday, at Bucky’s day off, they were all hanging out at Quill’s hot dog stand after Nat’s shift and Clint wouldn’t stop trying to guess who it was, so Bucky just told them.

“Is it Taylor Swift?” Clint had asked.

“I’m gay!”

“Justin Timberlake?!”

“I wish!” And before Clint could shoot another name at him from the list of celebrities who lived in NYC, Bucky blurted out. “His name is Steve and he’s just a friend, okay? I’m really not dating anyone!”

His friends remained silent for a minute, with puzzled looks on their faces.

“What?” Bucky asked.

“How did you even make a friend?” It was Natasha who asked. And although it could have sounded like a rude question to ask a person, Natasha’s voice sounded only genuinely curious.

“I do have social skills, you know?”

“You also have walls as thick as Dwayne Johnson.” Nat crossed her arms in front of her chest.

Bucky sighed. He did have walls. Why he let his walls come down for Steve was actually beyond his understanding.

“We’ve actually never met in person…” Bucky confessed, then proceeded to explain about Bruce’s and Sam’s pen pal project.

He told his friends about how it started out with emails, then the next thing he knew they were texting back and forth, talking about everything and nothing.

He didn’t tell them about how talking to Steve had become the best part of Bucky’s life, though. Nor about the way his heart jumped with excitement every time he heard his phone chirp, wondering if it was Steve texting him, and smiling when he saw that, yes, it was Steve. He definitely didn’t tell his friends about how he shared almost every detail of his day to day life with Steve, sending pictures of Shuri sleeping with her tongue out, and telling Steve to turn his TV on the SyFy channel so they could watch weird shit at the same time and text about it.

Conversation with Steve was easy, relaxed, unpretentious and fun. They didn’t expect anything from each other, so Bucky could just be his weird self with Steve. He would send him pictures of his weird food combinations, and they would discuss ridiculous conspiracy theories at early morning hours. Steve would freak out about how cute Shuri was - what made Bucky’s heart all weirdly warm - and ask for Bucky’s opinion on trivial things, like what brand of cereal should he buy this time - Cheerios! And what Disney movie should he be putting on for the kids that day - Mulan, duh!

The more he got to know Steve, the more he wanted to get to know him, it was addictive. And he didn’t even know what the guy looked like yet. He wasn’t really sure he wanted to cross that line, to give Steve a face and a voice. He also didn’t want Steve to meet Bucky in real life and be disappointed, because it was much easier to be witty and funny when texting than in person. Bucky wasn’t an interesting person. He was boring and he was sure Steve would lose interest in him the moment he realized Bucky was a weirdo and a loser.

So when Bucky caught himself wishing Steve was there with him and his friends, his brain tied itself into a confused knot.

It started innocently. Clint made a really bad pun and Bucky thought to himself that Steve would have laughed at that. He resisted the urge to text Steve right then, though, because his friends were giving him enough shit already. And then he was eating his hot dog and wondering if healthy-eating-habits Steve would enjoy the pleasure of eating the best hot dog in Brooklyn. He should really bring Steve here some time.

Wait, what?

Nat’s voice saying “Earth to Barnes” was what kept him from spiraling down that rabbit hole.

But Friday had approached and the thoughts from Wednesday were still fresh on Bucky’s mind.

He’d had his weekly session with Sam before work and even him could see the way Bucky’s dilemma was eating him up. His leg was shaking, a nervous up and down of his knee, and he wouldn’t stop biting the inside of his cheeks, chewing the skin, tasting his blood. Sam had already told him that that, too, counted as self-harm.

“Anxiety acting out?” Sam had asked.

Bucky nodded. He wasn’t ready to talk to him about Steve. Also, they had agreed not to tell Sam anything about the pen pal project just yet.

“I can talk to your psychiatrist, get you some meds,” Sam offered, not for the first time.

Bucky shook his head, said he had it under control, but Sam sure didn’t look convinced.

They ended up talking about Bucky’s sleeping and eating habits, again, “that much sugar ain’t good for you, man!” Then Sam said Bucky should try meditating, to which Bucky scoffed, then Sam made a face and Bucky promised he would at least try.

By the time he got to work, he was mentally exhausted, so he decided to just not think anymore. It was a good thing there were a lot of women at the bar that night, because while the men drank mostly beer, most of the women liked fancy colorful drinks that would keep Bucky busy. He would put all his focus onto mixing drinks and it would all be alright.

 

_

 

Steve stared at the shirts placed all over his bed and sighed. The man hadn’t gone out in ages and he had no clue what parties were supposed to be like - let alone what he was expected to look like at such occasion. Without hesitating, he picked up his phone, which was being charged on his night table.

 

 

Steve picked up the black shirt and, in a quick movement, he put it on and checked himself out in the mirror as he buttoned it. Yes, Bucky was right, black was the best option available. Even if it weren’t, he was not going to change his mind now. The black shirt was a nice match to his sleek dark jeans and both offered a nice contrast to his pale skin. He had shaved the short beard he had been kindly cultivating on his face and his hair was elegantly combed back. He was ready…Apparently.

It was not on purpose that he would feel so anxious before going out. Despite disliking being alone, Steve found it complicated to interact with a large group of people, especially when there were people he hadn’t met before. He knew that his presence at this party was important and he wanted to be there for Wanda. She was the kindergarten teacher at the school he worked at and she was the sweetest girl he had ever met. She was often compared to a Disney Princess by her peers - Belle, to be more specific - and she had been so kind to Steve when he started working there that he could not say no.

Even though he was not much of a drinker himself, the man decided to take a taxi to the location. The club was called _Millenium_ and it had a very nice entrance, exactly like those expensive clubs usually look like. As soon as he got off the car, he noticed there was quite a long line outside, but he had been instructed to go to the security guy and say his name was on the list. He did so and sure enough, he was allowed in. It made him feel a little uncomfortable to just be allowed in when so many people were waiting outside but that really was nothing he could do about it.

As soon as he stepped in, he heard a familiar voice coming from the speakers as they played a remixed version of _Staying Alive_ by the Bee Gees. The song brought a grin to his face as he remembered Bucky had mentioned this song earlier and he instantly felt better for being there. Maybe, just maybe, the night wasn’t going to be too bad. Steve looked around and spotted the birthday girl, Wanda, surrounded by a few colleagues. He approached her and was welcomed with a tight hug and a huge smile. Her reaction was enough to make him feel like he had made the right choice and he decided to follow Bruce’s advice and allow himself to have some fun.

The party ended up being really nice. People were great fun, Wanda was happy, Steve even considered to have a couple of beers to make his choice of transportation for the night worth it. He was having so much fun that he, for a moment, didn’t even remember to check his phone. Bucky was probably busy, it was Friday night again, so he decided to give his friend a break.

His friend… It was so weird to Steve that Bucky had become of such relevance in his life that he even went to him to ask for advice on his outfit. Steve could reach out to Bucky to ask for literally anything and the man would find a way to deliver. Of course, he would try his best to be there for Bucky the way Bucky had been there for him, he knew Bucky was worth it.

“Damnit…”, Steve thought, realizing he was once again thinking of Bucky. It had become so much of a habit to think about him that it was starting to freak him out a little bit. He was sure that all those years alone had made an impact on the way he saw his friends, especially because Steve didn’t really have many friends. Bruce was more like family, his older brother, and the other people - literally, _all_ the other people - he considered his friends had been introduced to him by Bruce. Bucky, too, had been brought to his life because of Bruce, but it was different with him.

Whenever Steve got to see his other friends, Bruce was there. In other words, it felt like they were Bruce’s friends, who knew Steve. He didn’t feel close to any of them, in fact, he had never really been alone with any of them as friends would usually do. There was nothing wrong with it, of course not, he was grateful for being surrounded by such nice people. However, to a certain level, Steve did feel he was alone. But Bucky… Bucky was a real friend. His friend. Bucky met Steve through his own words and he stayed because he liked what Steve had to offer. He liked Steve, they were friends. He had made a friend.

It was already past 10 pm, the disco was crowded and Steve was trying his best to stay there for as long as he could. He decided to go to the bar to get a coke, hoping that the caffeine and sugar he was about to ingest would be enough to make him last until midnight. As he sat there, enjoying his virgin drink, he felt a gentle pat on his shoulder. When he turned around, he saw a beautiful woman staring at him. Her delicate face was framed by wavy brown locks and she looked very elegant. She looked familiar, but he didn’t remember exactly who she was.

“Mr. Rogers?” She said, making Steve nod and smile. Before he could say anything else, the woman smiled widely and began to talk. “I’m Ms. Stiller, I’m not sure if you remember me… My son, Zachary, is one of your students, we have met before at a school meeting!” Steve did remember her, now that she mentioned her son. The kid was one of his best students and he did look a lot like his mother.

The man, polite as always, stood up and greeted her with a cheeky smile and a handshake. “Of course I remember you! How have you been, Ms. Stiller?”

“Please, call me Sharon!”, the woman replied, grinning.  “I have been well, better now that I spotted a familiar face in the crowd. Do you mind if I join you?”

Steve agreed and pulled one of the stools by the bar so she could have a sit. Sharon was a very interesting woman, he noticed. She could talk about literally anything and she was very funny too. As they talked, he decided to have a beer and before he could even notice it, he was already about to finish his second longneck bottle. Suddenly, the lady stood up and grabbed his hand abruptly, but gently. “Let’s dance!”

Despite her small frame, Sharon was able to bring Steve to the dance floor easily. He didn’t know exactly what to do, he wasn’t much of a dancer, but she seemed so excited to be there that he ended up surrendering to her and following her steps. It was actually quite fun, soon enough all the eyes were on them and he was apparently not that bad at dancing. A few songs later, Steve felt comfortable under the neon lights. He thought about how much Bucky would have laughed if he saw his moves, how much he would’ve been made fun of for days by his friend. Lost in his thoughts, he didn’t even notice that a ballad started to play. He didn’t notice that Sharon wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her face on his chest as they slowly moved to the beat of the song. He didn’t notice his arms going instantly around her waist. He didn’t notice her face getting closer to his and, for a few seconds, he didn’t notice her soft lips as they touched his.

And then he did.

The man pulled away almost instantly as a billion thoughts flooded his mind. A few feet away, there were many of his workmates, who could have easily noticed the fact that he had just kissed a student’s mother. It was even worse, her son was not only a student, he was _his_ student. This was wrong in so many levels Steve felt sick. “I’m sorry, I… Have to go. I’m really sorry.” Sharon gave him a confused look as she watched him simply walk away and out the door. It made no sense to her, but after the number of drinks she’d had, it didn’t really matter. She went back to dancing as if nothing had ever happened.

Steve’s hands were shaking. He shoved them into his pockets and started walking aimlessly. He felt his phone in his pocket and his heart sank. He felt dirty, disgusted to think that he had allowed himself to do something this wrong. What would Bucky think? Had he just ruined the only friend he had ever captivated without anyone’s direct help? There were so many things going through his head, he was so confused that it felt like he had drunk a whole bottle of tequila instead of the two beers he had. He couldn’t think straight enough to even get a cab to go back home, so he decided to give himself a break. He looked around and spotted what seemed to be open, it looked like a pub. He didn’t need more alcohol but he could use a glass of water.

The place was pretty crowded, he could hear some classic rock being played by a jukebox placed by the pool table. He headed straight to the bar and sat down on one of the stools, covering his hand with both hands and letting out a deep sigh. He was apparently a bit too loud when he did this because right after that, he could hear a voice talking to him.

“Hey, what can I get you?” The bartender said, tossing a piece of cloth over his shoulders.

Steve lifted his head and tried to look as positive as possible as he replied, “Hey, can I have some water please?”

The bartender nodded and grabbed a clean glass, filling it with cold water and placing it in front of Steve. “You alright?” The man asked with an arched eyebrow.

“Do I look that bad? Damnit…” Steve smiled bitterly, drinking almost half of the water in the glass at once. He looked at the glass and replied quietly, clearly upset. “Let’s just say that if you were to ask me about this glass, I’d say it’s half empty.”

“Wanna talk about it?” The bartender offered Steve a kind smile. If Steve didn’t know any better, he would think this man really wanted to hear all of Steve’s problems.

“Man, where do I start…” Steve let out a sigh and smiled, looking at the bartender. “I kind of made the wrong move tonight. I didn’t make the move, actually, someone made a move on me and I just… Noticed it was going to happen a bit too late. I might get in trouble at work…” Steve was pretty sure everyone had seen him kissing the lady. In fact, he could bet it would make the front page of all newspapers the next day.

“Were they a colleague?” The bartender seemed genuinely curious. Steve wondered how many stories the man had already heard on that particular day, and if he had to look interested in every single one. It sounded exhausting.

“Yeah, it’s a bit worse than that. She was the mother of one of my students, I teach children.” Steve had probably turned into a living tomato as he said that. His cheeks were burning from the embarrassment to simply admit it out loud to a complete stranger. He drank what was left of the water. “Can I have some more, please?”

The bartender raised one of his eyebrows, fetching the jar and pouring Steve some more water. “I’m sure it’ll be fine,” he said simply, his lips curving in an empathetic smile.

“Thank you. For the water and the optimism,” Steve smiled, even though he still looked pretty bummed out. As the bartender walked away to pour some guy a pint of beer, he grabbed his phone and texted Bucky. He knew that, despite his embarrassment, this is something he would have to tell him anyway.

Steve considered telling Bucky about his fiasco right then but he was way too embarrassed to do it. He could still feel his cheeks burning and all he wanted to do was disappear. The bartender was also coming back and he seemed to be rather interested in checking if Steve was doing better, so he texted a quick reply.

He pressed “send” as the man got closer and left his phone on the counter, smiling lightly. He heard a loud “beep” and looked down on his phone, but he realized the noise had come from somewhere else.

“Sorry, I forgot to turn the sound off,” the bartender apologized.

“That’s fine, no need to apologize.” It was funny that the man’s phone had gone off right after he had pressed “send”. In fact, as Steve looked around, he noticed that the place matched the description Bucky had given him when he asked about his workplace. Some middle-aged men were all watching a random game on a huge TV, it was dark and sort of small...

“Feel free to check it if you want to… I’m here chilling with my water.” Steve joked with a suspicious look on his face. He adjusted his phone between them both on the counter, making it very visible, and kept his undivided attention on the man in front of him.

The bartender looked a little unsure about it, but slowly reached for his phone, looking at the screen and apparently typing something quickly. He gave Steve an awkward smile before locking his phone and pocketing it again.

As Steve suspected, a few seconds later his own phone buzzed on the counter. He could nearly hear his heartbeat, it suddenly felt like the room temperature had dropped drastically. It couldn’t be… Or could it?

He took a deep breath and looked into the man’s eyes in complete and absolute shock, his hands shaking. “...Bucky?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do not forget that we have a playlist for this work! All the songs mentioned so far are already there for your enjoyment and new songs will be added as we move forward!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtlgYxa6BMU&list=PL6qpdcZ2KtWlqE_U3ziQukOLiCZA2qg-U


	6. How Soon Is Now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get awkward when the sun and the moon accidentally meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter should have been here last Friday, but life got in the way, so Monday it is! We're sorry for the delay!
> 
> Anyway, the second part of this chapter has a shared POV, which means we will see things from both Bucky and Steve's perspective at the same time. We did this so it would feel more fluid and dynamic, and to avoid having to write the scene twice in each character's point of view (which could feel too repetitive).
> 
> Please let us know how you felt reading it! And to everyone who left kudos and comments, our biggest THANK YOU!

> _ There's a club, if you'd like to go _
> 
> _ You could meet somebody who really loves you _
> 
> _ So you go, and you stand on your own _
> 
> _ And you leave on your own _
> 
> _ And you go home, and you cry _
> 
> _ And you want to die _

**How Soon Is Now? - The Smiths**

 

Bucky had decided not to think, and he had been succeeding. He flirted with the women he was making drinks for, asking for their names and making up sweet colorful drinks named after them. He had already made an Amanda, a Daisy, and two Mary specials that night, getting eye rolls from his coworker Rumlow every time a girl came to the counter and asked for Bucky. 

It was harmless and fun. Most of the regulars already knew Bucky was gay as a rainbow, thanks to the time a jealous boyfriend tried to punch Bucky for flirting with his girlfriend, but it was not like he was trying to hide it, anyway. He liked seeing the women smile when he complimented them. The fact that he actually looked at their faces instead of their cleavages, and listened to them, was enough for them to instantly grow fond of him. 

Bucky got awesome tips just for listening to people vent, sometimes. Natasha said he had the patience of a saint, but Bucky genuinely liked to listen to the insane stories, and with his vivid imagination, it wasn’t hard to make up the scenarios that people painted in his mind. Some of the things he heard sounded like the plots of a soap opera, from siblings fighting over inheritance to love affairs.

He had just finished making Amanda her second Amanda special when he saw a man walking towards the counter. Tall, broad, blond, beautiful. Bucky approached him, ready to use his charm because clearly, he was on fire tonight; but when the man looked at Bucky, he was frowning. His blue eyes so panicked it made Bucky’s face fall. Great. Beautiful and troubled, just Bucky’s type, as Natasha would say. He even texted her about it.

And then the man said Bucky’s name, recognizing him. And this impossibly beautiful man was Steve Rogers.

 

-

“What the- Steve?” Bucky stared at the man for a whole minute, gaping like a fish. More questions wanted to escape his lips - How? When? Really? What the fuck? But he would just be walking in circles at this point.

“Oh, my god, you ARE Bucky! The Bucky! It's... Are you Bucky?!” Steve gasped in shock as his jaw dropped. The exaggerated look on his face made it look like he was trying to impersonate a cartoon character. One could blame it on the alcohol… Maybe. 

“Well, I am the only Bucky I know, that’s for sure!” Bucky’s mind was having trouble trying to connect the dots. How did a bunch of text messages materialize into the Greek god he was seeing in front of him? He blinked a few times and laughed awkwardly, still gaping as he tried to find the words. “What are you doing here?” 

“I... Don't know! I mean, I was at the party and then all that happened and I didn't know what to do, so I walked out and started trying to look for a taxi and then I saw this bar and I decided to come inside because I wasn't feeling very sober and then I came here and told you everything not knowing you were you and... I need to take a seat.” The man pulled a stool towards himself and sat down, taking a few deep breaths. You could tell he was completely caught off-guard by the unexpected meeting. He waved his arms in the air as he spoke, emanating anxiety in spades, which made him suddenly self-conscious. “Oh my god, I'm sorry. I'm a mess, I didn't want you to meet me like that, I'm so sorry.”

“Hey, it’s okay, Stevie!” Bucky tried to calm him down, immediately pouring Steve more water. The man was clearly on the verge of having a panic attack. “It’s okay, there’s no way you would have known. I mean, what are the odds, right?” Damn. Bucky was on the verge of having a panic attack himself! Steve was seeing him. Steve was here! Fuck… He shifted his weight awkwardly, concentrating on making Steve feel better, he could think about his own feelings later. “Can I get you anything else? Have you eaten at all?”

“I'm sorry, this is so bad... I'm sorry.” Steve smiled awkwardly, sipping some more water from the glass in front of him. The warmth he felt on his cheeks could only mean that he was flushed with embarrassment, which wasn’t helpful at all. “Thank you, water helps. I guess I ate, yes, I am not exactly thinking straight right now... Damn, you must be thinking I'm a freak. I swear I'm normal, I'm just... I don't even know what I'm feeling. But... In a way I'm glad I ended up here. I wanted to bring myself back to normal before going home and telling you what happened through text... I guess that won't be necessary.” 

“Look at the bright side. You thought you were telling your story to a complete stranger and turns out you were telling a friend!” Bucky smiled nervously, because what else he could do, right? The damage was already done. Besides, Steve’s cheeks had turned a bright shade of red and he looked so adorable. Bucky cleared his throat. “Tell you what... My shift ends in about half an hour, so if you’re willing to wait, maybe we can talk some more?”

“Are you serious? But... You must be so tired, Fridays are crazy and you've already listened to my panic attack, I don't want to take advantage of your kindness.” Despite trying to refuse the invitation, the look on Steve’s face could tell he was very excited about the suggestion. “I'm sorry, by the way... For telling a stranger before I got to tell you. Because well, I didn't know it was you, so I did tell a stranger. I guess I was afraid of what you'd think of me. I probably am still afraid, actually…” 

At those words, like the flick of a switch, Bucky suddenly  _ recognized  _ Steve. The man-child who rambled away with Bucky about anything at all. It  _ was _ him. “Come on, you know me enough by now to know I won’t sleep until sunrise. And haven’t I already told you you apologize too much? Relax a little, will ya?” He heard Rumlow’s voice call him. The bar was busy and he had to actually work until the end of his shift. “ Wait for me, I’ll be right back!”

“Yeah, but... You don't need to have a shift as a babysitter after work…” Steve giggled, smiling as he looked at Bucky. “Don't worry, I'll be right here.” Steve drank some more water and sighed in relief as he realized things were actually under control. He drummed his fingers lightly on the counter as he watched his friend from a distance, attentively.

Bucky helped Rumlow serve more people, made a few more drinks, then said goodbye to his coworker when the clock announced the end of his shift. The crowd was already dispersing, most of them going to nightclubs since it was already past midnight. Bucky walked back to Steve, who was still sitting on his stool. “Meet me outside?” 

“Yeah, sure thing!”, said Steve, as he stood up. He checked if he still had all his belongings with him and walked towards the front door. He shoved his hands into his pockets and stood by a lamppost, hoping that Bucky hadn’t suggested that just to get rid of him. That was very possible. In fact, Steve himself was starting to feel annoyed by his overly-cheerful, drunken self. The sight of Bucky walking towards him was what kept him from having a panic attack.

As he walked out the back door, untying his black apron and hanging it, Bucky took a moment to try and process what had just happened. He had just met Steve Rogers. Something he’d been freaking out about for three days. And it had just happened. Just like that. He shook his head, smiling to himself, and went to the sidewalk, where he spotted Steve. “Hey, Stevie!” He greeted and approached the blond. If this was something that was bound to go wrong, then he would at least dive into it. No regrets.

Steve waved shyly at his friend, smiling from ear to ear. “Hey, Bucky! This is so weird, as I was waiting for you, I kept having this urge to grab my phone and text you like ‘you won't believe what happened!’ but... Well, you know what happened because you are here! I am drunk, am I not? I am drunk. I had two beers.” He hid his face behind one of his palms,  laughing quietly in embarrassment.

Bucky chuckled, amused. He couldn’t believe Steve was here, in front of him, drunk on two beers. He put his hands in his pockets, holding his pack of cigarettes just to have something to do with his hands. “It does feel kinda surreal, doesn’t it? Where do you wanna go, party boy? I can walk you to the subway if you want.” 

“I... I am not sure. I mean, I am definitely drunk right now, so I don't even know where I live anymore. I mean, I do, I'm just... Seventy-eight percent sure I know where I live.” The blond looked away, lowering his voice as he looked at Bucky again. “How do you go home? Do you walk? Do you drive home? I don't want to get you out of your way.” 

“I actually live like eight blocks from here, so, I walk home. But if you wanna grab something to eat, we can do that too.” Bucky wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do. Steve was being completely adorable and, if Bucky was being honest with himself, he didn’t want this moment to be over just yet.

“We can... Walk towards your place if you want, and then we stop on the way to eat something.” As soon as the words left his lips, Steve regretted each and every single one of them. They had just met, he didn’t know if Bucky had actually liked to meet him, he feared the first impression he was causing on him would make Bucky never want to talk to him again and now he had suggested walking him home. He had to fix that, immediately. “And then you... Keep walking? I will need a taxi to go back home anyway, so it's fine by me. If you want. Do you want to do that? I am so confused, I hope you don't remember any of this when you get up tomorrow. Oh, wait. I'm the one who's drunk.” Steve let out a silly laugh, which Bruce would have accurately defined as a sign of desperation. He was ruining it. “Come on, you're the night person. It's way past my bedtime already. I don't know what to do!”

Taking control? Making decisions? That Bucky could do. He had been a sergeant, after all. “So how about that,” He placed his hand on Steve’s shoulder, touching him for the first time. “We’re gonna have a nice walk to my favorite hot dog place so we can get some food in you and once you’ve sobered up, I’ll call you a cab,” he squeezed Steve’s shoulder. “Sounds good?”

“Yeah, that sounds good.” He said as he smiled wholeheartedly and pulled Bucky for a tight hug. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment, talking in a quiet way. “Thank you for looking after me again. I am so sorry that this is the version of me you got to have your first impression of, but I promise I can be better than this. Please don't give up on me.”

Bucky knew he had broken the touching barrier, but he hadn’t been ready to be hugged like that. He stood there awkwardly for a few seconds before he could bring himself to hug Steve back. “It’s my pleasure, drunk-on-two-beers, Steve!” He let go, then, and started to walk. “How can I give up on you when I haven’t met drunk-on-three-beers Steve yet?”

“You go ahead and bully me, I deserve it!” Steve said, walking right behind Bucky for a few seconds. He could have walked faster at first, but he took some time to observe the man in front of him. Bucky looked strong but in a discreet way. He was only a bit shorter than Steve, not more than two inches, his hair tied neatly. He looked better than Steve had expected. “They didn’t have sparkling water there and I was thirsty!”, the man said as he finally allowed himself to catch up with Bucky.

Bucky stopped walking abruptly, turning his head very dramatically. “First of all, sparkly water is disgusting.” After making his statement, he continued walking, side to side with Steve. He tried to keep a serious face, but apparently, he couldn’t stop smiling for some reason. “Second of all  you’re an adult, you can drink two beers on a Friday night, it’s not a crime, you know?”

“Wait, WHAT?” The tipsy blond stopped walking in a very dramatic way and placed one hand over his heart, faking a very offended expression. Bucky had had a taste of Steve’s overly dramatic reactions through texts, but in real life, he took it to a whole new level. “Excuse me, but you are wrong. And I know it's not a crime, it's just embarrassing because I am weak. I am so weak.”

Good. Steve was just as dramatic as Bucky in real life, too. This would be fun. He only allowed himself to be this dramatic around Natasha and Clint. He was the gay friend, after all. “You have the alcohol tolerance of a child,” Bucky scoffed, shoving his hands inside his pockets again. 

“Have you seen a child consuming alcohol? Because... That’s illegal.” Steve tried to sound as serious and responsible as an adult should, but the alcohol was noticeable in every word the man had uttered. “Bruce says I’m still eight. I guess he’s right.”

Bucky laughed, remembering one of his favorite family stories. “I once drank my father’s scotch when I was, like, eleven.”

“You did what?! Oh my god, you’re very illegal, very typical of a Skywalker.” Steve’s cheeks ached from smiling as he and Bucky walked side by side. This night had been full of ups and downs. Meeting Bucky was really cool, Steve thought, but the fact that he looked like Mark Hamill was a massive plus. Steve really hoped this friendship would last at least until Halloween, so he could make Bucky dress up as Luke Skywalker and please his Star Wars die-hard fan’s eyes with the sight.”I didn’t know you had long hair. That’s pretty cool.” Steve realized that the comment revealed that he had been thinking about Bucky’s appearance a bit too late, he hoped Bucky wouldn’t find it weird.

“A Skywalker?” Bucky gave Steve a confused look, quickly turning away to wave at Quill as they approached the hot dog stand. 

“You are, like, Luke's twin. Seriously.“ Steve greeted the man running the stand with a smile and a nod. “By the way, whatever you're having, it's on me. A little treat for babysitting me.” 

“Dude, you’re drunker than I thought!” Bucky laughed. “And that’s really nice of you, but it’s fine, really, you don’t have to pay,” he told Steve, then looked at Quill, who looked amused by the both of them. The fucker. “Hey, Peter! The usual, please.”

“I know I don't have to, but I want to. Shhh, lemme do it.” Steve pressed his index finger against his lips, very childishly, and then looked at the hot dog guy. “I will have one of whatever he's having and if you refuse his money and take only mine instead, I promise to tell all my friends about your stand.” A devious smile popped up on his lips as he looked at Bucky. He really was a child.

Bucky rolled his eyes exaggeratedly, Steve really was insufferable. They stood there in comfortable silence, smiling like loons, as Quill quickly prepared their orders: classic hot dogs with a pinch of chili. When they sit at one of Quill’s small tables, across from each other, Bucky has a hard time trying to stop smiling so he can take a bite of his food.

Steve followed Bucky to the table, hot dog in hand and an everlasting smile still on his lips. He sat down and took a generous bite of his late night snack. Very dramatically, as usual, as soon as he realized he had just found out what heaven tastes like, he closed his eyes and let out a long and very satisfied moan.”Oh my Goooood, this is delicious!”

Of course, Bucky’s mind goes straight to its folder of sexual thoughts, cataloging Steve’s moan as one of the dirtiest sounds he’s head in months. Bucky bites the inside of his cheek so the pain can distract him from it. When that doesn’t work, he takes another bite of his hot dog, talking around a mouthful, “God, I was hungry!” 

“Do you eat this every day? Cause I want to eat this every day. Oh my GOD! This is heaven. I died and this is heaven.” It didn’t matter how many bites Steve had taken from his snack, his reaction was always dramatic. That time, however, the man closed his eyes, leaned his head back and allowed his body to slowly slide down his chair a little.

“Not every day, but most days, yes.” This time, Bucky almost chokes and starts laughing, amused by Steve’s reaction. Damn, that would definitely go to Quill’s head. The man would never shut up about how his hot dogs were the best in Brooklyn.

“Fuck I'm stuck. Bucky, I'm stuck and I'm going to fall, please don't la-” Before he could finish his sentence, Steve lost his balance and ended up falling flat on the floor.  The scandalous laugh he let out brought tears to his eyes. Somehow, his hot dog was still intact. His physical integrity didn’t really matter much at that time anyway.

“OH, MY GOD, STEVE!” Bucky was so distracted he didn’t even have time to stop Steve from falling. He was torn between laughing along with Steve and being worried about the man. He dropped his hot dog on the table and circled it to reach Steve. “Are you okay?”

“I-OH MY GOD I FELL!” Tears rolled down Steve’s flushed face as he laughed so hard his body became as soft as a giant pile of cotton candy. At that moment, Steve’s only hopes were that he wouldn’t laugh hard enough to make him pee his pants, that would be a little too much. “I AM SOOOOOO DRUNK!”

Bucky let out a sigh, kneeling next to the blond. “No shit!” He started to laugh his lungs out, coughing a few times in between. He laughed until his cheeks and stomach hurt. He hadn’t felt that in way too long. “I think you're more sleep deprived than drunk at this point.”

“I think I'm going to take a nap, I'm already on the floor so I won't fall again.”, Steve said while he adjusted his body more comfortably on the sidewalk. He tried to take another bite of what was left of his hot dog, which led him to get mustard and ketchup all over his face. With a defeated look on his face, he gave up trying and sighed. “I was wrong. I am not a child. I am a baby.”

“Come on, baby, let's get you up!” Bucky took a deep breath, regaining his composure and gently taking Steve’s hot dog, placing it on the table and reaching for his hand to help him up.

“I am so embarrassed I just want to move to the moon. Why did everything go wrong today?” With Bucky’s help, the drunken man stood up and sat on his chair afterward. “This is not how I picture our first meeting to be like, this is so bad... You're the first friend I made who isn't Bruce's friend and I am ruining it by being a moron.” Steve meant every single word. He was happy that Bucky was even nicer than what he had expected him to be. At the same time, he was absolutely sure that thanks to the awful timing of their first meeting, Bucky would probably never talk to him again.

Bucky’s laughter quickly died at that. Steve looked so embarrassed, making himself small by sinking deep into his seat. He sat back across from the man and offered him a fond smile. “Are you kidding me? This is the most fun I've had in a long time!”

“Nah, you deserved better.” Steve smiled shyly, finishing his hot dog. Maybe, just maybe, Bucky had had a different opinion. Maybe this night wasn’t a complete disaster. Maybe he could fix this. He had nothing to lose, so he thought he should give it a shot.  “Can we start over? Maybe here, after your shift tomorrow. But... With a sober version of me?”

Bucky liked that idea. “Actually, tomorrow is my day off, so we can actually do this before your bedtime!” He didn’t want to stare, but he couldn’t stop looking at Steve. Yeah, that was definitely the man whom he wanted to open a cat café with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because of how crazy life had been, we haven't been able to do much writing; so this story will be taking a short hiatus (probably two weeks). We'll be back soon!
> 
> This work has a playlist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtlgYxa6BMU&list=PL6qpdcZ2KtWlqE_U3ziQukOLiCZA2qg-U


	7. Shake it out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our boys meet up again, on purpose this time!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over a month has gone by since the last time you’ve heard from us… Wow, time does go by fast. 
> 
> Before anything else, we would like to apologize. We intended on posting weekly, but shortly after starting our journey here, we had to face some really tough situations that went way beyond our power. Not only was it difficult to find the time - and energy - to post, but we were also struggling to even write something. When things of that magnitude happen, there isn’t really much to be done other than to wait for the stormy skies to clear up and that is what we did. 
> 
> We are very sorry for this unwanted hiatus but, finally, we are back… And we have a little surprise for you!

> _ And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't _
> 
> _ So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road _
> 
> _ And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope _
> 
> _ It's a shot in the dark and right at my throat _
> 
> _ 'Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me _
> 
> _ Looking for heaven, for the devil in me _
> 
> _ Well what the hell I'm gonna let it happen to me _

**Shake It Out - Florence + The Machine**

 

The sun shone brightly through the curtains of Steve’s apartment. He opened his eyes, stretching in bed before he reached out to his phone to check the time. It was still sort of early so he decided to stay in bed for a little longer and have a lazy Saturday morning. He noticed that there was a notification from Bruce on his screen, which was… Sort of unusual, they didn’t really talk much through texting, Bruce was more of a caller. He unlocked his phone and proceeded to see what his friend had to say.

Oh. Right.

Just like that, a flashback of the previous night flashed before his eyes. He had kissed the mother of one of his beloved students. He had accidentally found Bucky while drunk. He had ruined his reputation. Twice.

Steve was worried about the kiss. He loved his job and his children, he could not imagine what he would do if he had to leave the school and do something else for a living. The simple act of picturing the face of his colleagues as they watched him interact with a parent in such an intimate manner made him sick to his stomach. The man who was often seen as a role model, as an inspiration and basically a walking manual of good manners was now going to be referred to as an example of what  _ not _ to do. 

However, it was what happened after that kiss that made Steve feel his head hurt, his heart beat unevenly and his soul attempt to leave his body. Of all things he could have expected to happen that night, meeting Bucky face to face was the most surreal of them. He was not ready, he could tell Bucky was not ready either. It was not supposed to be like that. Steve didn’t even know if Bucky had ever considered wanting to meet him in person… 

The worst thing was that he could have avoided it. He could have simply recognized Bucky - as he did - but say absolutely nothing about it instead. He could have kept this secret right next to that kiss, both buried deep inside his brain forever. Bucky wouldn’t have remembered him later on, if they had decided to meet eventually. It would have happened whenever they were both ready for it, it would have been better. If only he had kept his mouth shut…

What now? Would Bucky still want to talk to him after the previous night’s fiasco? Would things remain the same? He did not know and, to be honest, at this point he did not want to know. He felt embarrassed, uncomfortable under his own skin as Bucky’s voice echoed in his head.

Bucky… There was something about him that felt very unique. Steve couldn’t point it out, he did not know if it was because of the beers or if Bucky really was different. The way his caring eyes watched him, even before he knew it was Steve sitting in front of him, legitimately concerned about his well-being made him feel like he wasn’t alone. The way his voice echoed in his head as if whatever he was saying was a message coming straight from the heavens gave him a sense of security that made him feel like no problem was relevant enough to be remembered.

It was also a little odd that Steve could remember his face as if the man were standing there, right in front of him. He felt a bitter taste in his mouth when he realized he would most likely never see him again. The realization that their paths would probably go different ways from then on made Steve realize he did not want to forget what the bartender looked like. The man grabbed his notepad and his pencil on his night table and before his memory started to fail him, he started to draw Bucky’s features.

He started from the eyes, caring and intense, like those who seemed to see through whatever masks people tried to wear. He drew his eyebrows and then outlined this face. Bucky had a nice jawline, it was more on the square side but it was delicate, and his chin had a little dimple right in the middle. His nose was very symmetric, also delicate but manly at the same time. 

It was time to draw Bucky’s lips. They were perfectly lined, the lower lip was a bit fuller than the upper, which had been blessed with a nice cupid bow. They framed the sweetest, most genuine smile Steve had seen in a while. They also curved themselves upwards in a hesitant, maybe even shy manner while Bucky listened to what Steve had to say with undivided attention. He chose to draw them like that, it was what Bucky looked like most of the time at the bar,  _ right before Steve ruined everything _ . Maybe, later, he would draw him again, but this time with that grin on his face.

Bucky had long hair, which was shocking for Steve at first. The way the dark locks contrasted with his skin brought very much deserved attention to his face and the artist could not imagine a better hairstyle to his source of sudden inspiration. He didn’t get to see it out of the neat bun the man wore that day but he could guess it was probably shoulder-length and straight, maybe a bit wavy. The best thing about art was that it allowed people to bring their imagination to life and this is exactly what Steve did. 

Bucky’s blue eyes were still haunting Steve as he worked on his hair, which he chose to free from the bun at his own risk. A bit of color wouldn’t hurt, so he grabbed his massive collection of colored pencils and prayed he would have enough skills to bring those blue eyes to life. It took him quite a bit of time to reach the perfect shade of blue, but somehow he had succeeded. The perfectionist in him took his time to make sure his drawing was as realistic as possible. When he was finally done, he took a look at his finished masterpiece.

It took Steve some time to realize that he had been staring at that picture for a handful of minutes, mesmerized by the sight and lost in his thoughts. He observed each and every detail of the face he had drawn on his notepad, over and over again, making sure that not a single freckle had gone unnoticed because, for some reason, he realized that this was important. Bucky was important and Steve was not ready. He had not been ready to meet his friend. He was definitely not ready to lose him, either. 

His phone rang, breaking the trance he was in. It was Bruce, as Steve would have expected. Since his friend hadn’t gotten a reply from him, he decided to check if everything was okay. Steve told him the entire story, from texting Bucky to ask for help to get dressed until falling asleep on his bed and waking up the next day. Bruce knew Steve and Bucky had been talking, he also had noticed Steve had been reaching out to him less often, which was probably a good sign.

“Steve… To be very honest, I swear I don’t see why you are so sure Bucky will never want to talk to you again.” Bruce sounded quite confident, making Steve roll his eyes.

“Did you even listen to a word that I said? Did you listen to the part in which he touched my shoulder and next thing you know I’m pulling him into a hug? Or maybe, I don’t know, the part in which I fell on the floor and got ketchup and mustard so far up my nose it killed all my brain cells but one?” Steve sounded like he was about to lose it, which always made Bruce laugh. This time, it wouldn’t be different.

“I remember it all, Steve!”, Bruce said after letting out a loud laugh. “I know what I’m talking about, it doesn’t sound that bad. Okay, fine, you weren’t ready, but it happened and now you must deal with it. Why don’t you invite him for lunch or something? At least this time it will be planned.” 

“Oh shit. I guess… I did that? Oh my God, I asked him to meet me today! He said he would have a day off and that we could go out earlier so it wouldn’t be past my bedtime! Bruce! I totally forgot about it! I had absolutely no clue until this very minute! Bruce! What do I do?” It was official, Steve was panicking. 

“Text him and check if you’re still going out. It’s literally that simple”, Bruce said patiently.

Steve knew his friend would not change his opinion, so instead of arguing, he decided to face his destiny. “Okay, fine. If you don’t hear from me, it’s because I died.”

“Rest in peace!”, his friend replied jokingly, “Good luck, Stevo. Let me know how it went.”

As soon as Steve hung up, he noticed there was a new text notification on his screen, from Bucky. His heart skipped a beat and he couldn’t tell if it was because he was scared or relieved.

Turns out Bucky did want to see him, even after the previous night’s disaster. Steve smiled lightly as he read the message over and over again before he texted a quick reply. 

It was happening. He was meeting Bucky again - voluntarily this time. Steve still felt very embarrassed from the previous night but, for some reason, life had decided to give him lemons this time. He couldn’t mess it up again.

Time flew by and, suddenly, Steve found himself standing in front of the mirror, trying to decide what to wear to meet Bucky. He had made it his mission to try to fix the awful first impression he had made and every little detail was important to wash that lame picture of himself away from Bucky’s memory - forever, if possible. He decided to be a little more casual this time: a gray t-shirt, washed jeans, black sneakers, and a black leather jacket. He checked himself out for the millionth time and checked the time on his phone. He still had some time to spare but before his anxiety started to build up, he grabbed his keys, phone and wallet and headed out. 

It wasn’t cold at all but Steve felt more comfortable with his jacket on, as if it were a kind of shield, offering him extra protection. Because he was about half an hour early, he decided to walk to the hot dog stand instead. It would keep him active enough not to freak out and it would also make him arrive there on time instead of super early. 

As he walked, Steve realized that this meeting meant way more to him than he had previously anticipated. Bucky had become such an important part of his life that he could not physically imagine what he would do if he, for any reason, ruined everything. He did not want to be the one to blame in case this incredible friendship came to an end and he would do his best to make sure this day would never come.

The hot dog place was far from crowded, there was only a couple with a young girl occupying one of the tables but they were almost done with their snacks. Steve chose to sit down exactly where he had been the previous night. hoping that Bucky would find him easily. He picked up his phone to check the time and he was only two minutes early, which was great. Everything was going well so far… Apparently.

Steve put his phone back in his pocket and lifted his head. As soon as he did, he spotted Bucky about a block away, walking towards him. Bucky seemed to have noticed Steve staring at him because he smiled with the corner of his lips and waved shyly. That was it, there was no way to run. Bucky was there and Steve had a job to do. He would not fail this time, he couldn’t fail. 

 

-

  
  


Bucky’s heart skipped a beat the minute he saw the blond man sitting there, on the same spot they’d been last night. Part of Bucky didn’t believe Steve would actually show up.

“Hey, party boy!” Bucky greeted, trying to break the ice, but he could feel the awkwardness as soon as the words left his mouth.

“Oh, hi! No party today, I’m as sober as I can be,” heat rose up Steve’s neck all the way up to his freckled cheeks. It was definitely adorable.

For a moment Bucky couldn’t decide if he should shake his hand or give him a hug. He had always been socially awkward, that’s exactly why he avoided being social at all costs. So why he had thrown himself into this situation was beyond him.

“Can’t party every day, right?” Bucky decided to just sit across from Steve at the small table. Suddenly he felt a little too hot inside his deep red button down. It was summer, after all. “You wanna eat here again?” He tried to start a conversation, but it felt somehow accusing. God, he hoped Steve wasn’t feeling this weird.

“I wouldn’t complain if I had to eat one of those hot dogs again but I’m open to suggestions. I don’t really eat out much, so I don’t know what’s up.” Steve, of course, being the saint he was, tried to act as naturally as possible. But one could cut the awkwardness with a knife at this point. “Did you, um… Sleep well?”

Shit. This was a disaster.

“Yeah, Mr. Healthy, right?” It was meant to sound like teasing, but as soon as the words left Bucky’s mouth, they felt unnatural, forced, sour. He cleared his throat and forced himself to laugh. It sounded like a cry for help. “I did, yes. Did you?” 

He couldn’t stop shaking his leg.

“Well, it’s not because I eat well,” Steve continued, “I just never really… Do it. Going out alone is not that fun.” He curved his mouth in a sad excuse for a smile. “I passed out, I really can’t handle alcohol. In fact… I’m really sorry. I can’t stress that enough. I’m sorry, that was very embarrassing.”

“You have nothing to apologize for!” Bucky said instantly, it felt aggressive. He decided to change the subject so Steve would stop apologizing. “What do you feel like eating today?”

“I do, that was an awful start.” He apologized anyway. “But well, I’m hungry, I haven’t really eaten anything today so any food will do. Do you want to go somewhere else?” He looked as uncomfortable as Bucky felt and, well, Bucky’s palms had been sweating a lot and he’d been rubbing them on his jeans this whole time, gross.

If Bucky was gonna make this work, he needed a breather. He needed to get his shit together.

“It’s okay,” he reassured Steve. “And yes, I know a few places. I’ll just… Go for a smoke real quick, is that okay?” 

“Uh… Yeah, sure. Go ahead, I’ll… Wait here.” 

He gave Steve a crooked smile and fetched his pack of cigarettes from his back pocket. After he stood from his chair, he practically ran around the corner to the doorway of a closed bookstore where he would be hidden from Steve’s eyes.

Bucky’s hands were cold and slippery as he lit his cigarette and he missed his lips a couple of times because of how much he was trembling. He had been trying to quit, but in situations like this one, there was just nothing else he could do, nothing that could calm him down like the smoke entering his lungs as he dragged. It was like the smoke had the power to evict all the boiling energy residing inside his body.

He considered going home. He would give Steve an excuse and just go back home and never talk to him again. Maybe he could leave right now, leave Steve there, waiting. And then Steve would never talk to him again and all his problems would be solved!

It just wasn’t possible to go through with this. Bucky wasn’t ready. Why was making friends at his age so hard? It had been so easy before, even in the army. Now it felt like he just couldn’t relate to anyone he met, couldn’t connect to them. He thought he had connected with Steve, though, when they were sending emails and texts. But, apparently, things weren’t so fluid and easy in person. Not when Steve looked like he fit into the real world without even trying. Why was he even wasting his time with Bucky?

Nat and Clint were damaged just like Bucky, and that’s why it worked.  But Steve had a bright smile, kind eyes, broad shoulders and muscles like a Greek god. It made Bucky feel like he should be perfect too. Like he should be funny and witty, and always smile. It was just too much.

He should go home where it was safe. Shuri would never judge him or expect anything from him. Shuri and his TV would keep him company. He didn’t really need anything else, right?

He put out his cigarette with the sole of his sneakers and peeked back at the hot dog stand. 

Fuck.

Steve looked miserable.

 

-

 

  


This is the surprise we were talking about! Our very own artwork for Sunny Nights! I wanna credit Lightning Strikes for the [silhouettes](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/26/8d/e2/268de26963295fc13d039c713b3c039c.jpg) used in this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work has a playlist! Visit to listen to all the songs mentioned here :) (it will be updated constantly as more songs are mentioned)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtlgYxa6BMU&list=PL6qpdcZ2KtWlqE_U3ziQukOLiCZA2qg-U


	8. Into The Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After an accidental meeting that didn't go as planned, Bucky ad Steve decide to try again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone!
> 
> It might not be friday, but we decided to update today because we have already made you wait for too long! 
> 
> Being adults is not exactly easy. We have been doing a lot of stuff and it's been a bit hard to write as much as we thought we would be able to. However, we are always working on this story and you can be completely sure that this is far from ending! 
> 
> There's still a lot to come and we would like to thank each and everyone of you for being with us, leaving kudos and comments! If you're new here, welcome! We hope you enjoy the ride!

> Just 'cause you don't see the way I feel  
> Please don't question my devotion  
> Blistered and broken  
> This hearts for sale but no one's a buying  
> Something still burns inside of me  
> But I can feel it dying  
> And I'd better run into the sun  
> Until I hit the ocean

**Into The Sun - The White Buffalo**   
  
  


**-**

 

Steve looked like a kicked puppy. 

And Bucky had been the one to kick him.

He considered having another smoke, but Sam’s voice echoed inside his brain: “self care is the new smoking, man! Moisturize those calves!” As he stared, his eyes met Steve’s. Shit. So much for going home unnoticed…

Something Sam said about emotional commitment and emotional responsibility started to cloud his thoughts again and Bucky shook his head to try and shake it off.

He walked back towards Steve and sat back on the seat across from the blond. His eyelashes were wet with fresh tears and he looked genuinely surprised by Bucky’s presence.

Fuck. He really thought Bucky would just leave. How could Bucky think about leaving him here? Steve of all people…

Steve.

Steve, who had lost his parents at a young age. Who could babble for days. Who listened to Pink Floyd and weird Finnish songs. Who taught children and liked glitter in his drink. Steve: an overthinker.

Steve, who was deeply ashamed of kissing a mother, being drunk and meeting Bucky for the first time while drunk!

Bucky was an idiot.

“Stevie?” He was glad his voice came out soft this time.

“B-Bucky? You’re… Here?” Steve wiped a tear from his cheek with the back of his hand. He looked so shocked it broke Bucky’s heart a little. Bucky had never met anyone so genuine and so open before. Maybe it was because Steve worked with children, and children are always so open about their feelings; but maybe it was just the way Steve was and that’s why he got along with children so well. Bucky didn’t know for sure which one.

But he definitely felt two things: one was the fear of ruining Steve; the other was a visceral urge to protect him.

“Where else would I be?” Bucky didn’t comment on the tears and instead gave him a goofy smile. “Come on, I know where we should go!”

“I don’t know, literally… Anywhere else?” Steve murmured, like he was talking to himself. He didn’t get up, instead, he just sat there blinking like he was still trying to process Bucky’s words.

Bucky rolled his eyes dramatically. He could feel Peter Quill’s eyes on them, the little shit. He was always asking about Bucky’s personal life, calling him mysterious.

“Do you wanna go get milkshakes or not?” 

“I-uh… Yeah… Sure.” Steve stuttered and started to stand up slowly. The smile on the corner of his lips was so shy it made Bucky’s own smile widen.

The problem, Bucky thought, was that his mind had separated internet Steve and Real Life Steve into two different entities. He was having trouble seeing the two entities together in the same man. The truth is that Bucky couldn’t imagine someone as perfect as Steve if he tried. 

Steve had broad shoulders and a thin waist, long legs and a perfect round ass. Bucky was trying not to stare, but he couldn’t not notice! Despite having a strong jaw and a typically manly nose, the blond just had those long eyelashes over his tiny blue eyes and those pink plump lips… He was the perfect balance between Bucky’s favorite male and female features all in one man! It seemed impossible that such a person could exist.

Good things like Steve rarely happen to Bucky, maybe that’s why he was trying to sabotage this friendship. Usually, he avoided intimacy like the plague, unwilling to let people in his lonely wolf cave. It was easier to remain lonely, do whatever the hell he wanted whenever he wanted, and not to have the obligation to go socialize or answer texts. He even sucked at keeping in touch with his own family, for Christ’s sake! But Steve’s texts, instead of a burden, had become a pleasure, something Bucky yearned for.

He looked at the man walking beside him. Steve was looking at his feet, head hanging low like he was trying to make himself small. He noticed Bucky looking at him and offered the brunet a shy smile; in reply, Bucky gave him a confident one. He felt like he was in charge of the situation, which was a positon he was familiar with.

They entered the ice cream shop; it was a charming retro place with turquoise stools and felt like it came straight out of the 40’s.

“Hey,” Bucky greeted the petite girl behind the counter. She was the one who usually took his orders when he went there before work. “A bacon milkshake, please,” he ordered, pretending he wasn’t noticing Steve making a disgusted face at his direction.

The girl wrote the order on a piece of paper, her eyes glued to Steve. Bucky couldn’t blame her though. Steve was truly beautiful and a lot of people turned their heads to look at him on the way to the ice cream shop. He seemed oblivious to it, though.

Right now, he didn’t notice the girl’s eyes because he was looking at Bucky with the cutest disgusted face Bucky had ever seen. It was taking everything Bucky had not to laugh.

“Did you just… Order bacon milkshake?” The blond finally asked, failing miserably at hiding his disgust. 

“Hey! Don’t judge a book by its cover, huh?” He raised his eyebrows at Steve, he was aiming for a deadly serious expression, but it was like Steve’s naive face tickled him constantly. “What will you have?”

“I don’t even need to see it to know it’s gross.” Like a complete child, Steve stuck his tongue out and shook his head. However, as soon as he realized what he had said, the man flushed and apologized to the girl. “That was so rude and I am so sorry! I didn't mean to say your milkshakes are gross, I am sure you're very talented.” Bucky was trying to find another word except ‘adorable’ to describe it (he was failing). “I will probably choose another flavor, due to my personal preferences, of course. Something not as exotic, maybe.”

Bucky slapped his hand against his chest, ignoring how gay he must be looking as he made an offended face. “Oh, my God, Steve, don’t tell me you’re a vanilla person!”

Steve gasped, looking as gay as Bucky as, he too, pretended to be offended. “Is that how you see me, James? Do I look like I’m a basic bitch? You may be Barnes but you’re not noble.” 

Bucky remained mouthed at Steve’s response. At this point the girl was smiling shyly, amused by the interaction between the two men. When Steve turned towards her to order his mix of walnut and chocolate with extra syrup, he blushed.

“The nerve!” Was all Bucky said, biting his lips as he paid for their order. Damn, did his cheeks hurt! 

“Hey! You just… Paid.” The blond stated. “You paid for the milkshakes.”

“You already paid for the hot dogs yesterday” Bucky shrugged, trying to ignore how that sounded like an exchange of sentences he’d had with a few of his dates before. This wasn’t a date. 

“Did I? Well… Thank you anyway.”

Although Steve was a beautiful man, and they were having milkshakes together, like a young couple on a date - or two children on a hot summer day -, this wasn’t a date and the night wouldn’t end with Steve naked on Bucky’s bed. Even if Bucky did keep wondering what Steve looked like without his clothes on. He had to keep reminding himself this was a friendship, otherwise he would probably ruin this before it even began.

They sat at one of the cute retro tables, across from each other - not a date! - and only had to wait two minutes before the waitress came in with their orders. She smiled at them and Bucky felt like he should be clarifying that this wasn’t a date. Instead, he thanked her and took a sip of his milkshake, moaning in contentment as he bit onto the salty crispy little pieces of bacon.

“You should really try this!” 

“Oh, Bucky, you’re so funny!” Steve laughed, then took a sip of his own milkshake. “This is a real work of art. Sooo good!”

“I’m serious!” Bucky insisted. Why did people never believe him when it came down to bacon milkshake? He knew it sounded weird, but it tasted surprisingly good! He slid his cup towards Steve, daring. “Just try it! I swear it’s good!”

“You’re totally buying me cotton candy for this.” The other man rolled his eyes, breathing dramatically like a child holding their breath before biting their broccoli, then his lips closed around the straw to take a sip, leaving Bucky’s throat suddenly dry. “It’s… Not the most disgusting thing I’ve tasted.” He admitted.

“Told you!” Bucky took back his milkshake, drinking it like he hadn’t drunk anything in ages. “Where are we gonna get cotton candy at this hour?”

“Coney Island! Duh! I also want pizza. They have some good junk food there.”

“Coney Island? God, I haven’t been there since I was a little kid!” 

A memory hit Bucky like a hammer on the face, of his sister Becca screaming for a plush penguin. Bucky spent all the money their parents gave him trying to win that penguin for her. 

“I’m still a little kid, so… I went there literally last weekend. They make the best cotton candy ever. You have to try it!”

Loud children, too many lights and sounds, that definitely sounded like a bad idea.

“Okay…” Bucky shrugged. “Why not?”

 

_____

 

One of Steve’s fondest early childhood memories took place in Coney Island: he would go on all the rides he could and feast himself on cotton candy and hot dogs at least once a month. His favorite ride was the Wonder Wheel, a 150 ft tall ferris wheel that had the most amazing view of Brooklyn. For some reason, that was exactly what came to his mind as he stared at Bucky while his friend savored his bacon milkshake, the weirdo.

As they walked side by side towards the bright lights and cheerful atmosphere of the parks, Steve allowed himself to discreetly take another look at Bucky. There were definitely a few adjustments he needed to make so his drawing would look more realistic: he definitely had a better-looking jawline than the one he remembered, his lips were a bit fuller and his smile… God, that smile could be an entire powerhouse on its own, strong enough to keep that whole park running all night long. Steve had definitely not done it justice.

Considering how his previous day had been, Steve considered this “playdate” a success so far. Of course, going for milkshake and then heading to Coney Island for cotton candy was probably the last thing he could have expected for his Saturday, but he was not complaining. In fact, he could already tell that Bucky would probably be able to make anything seem interesting. Hell, he knew that a trip to the dentist could easily become one of the best days of his life if Bucky were there, too. There was something about him - and Steve couldn’t exactly put a finger on what it was - that made him know that Bucky was… Different. He was special. He couldn’t mess it up.

“So… Do you want to go on rides or just get some pizza? Well, besides getting the cotton candy you totally owe me.” Steve joked playfully as he walked beside Bucky.

Bucky shrugged, chewing on the inside of his cheek. “We should probably go on rides before we eat, or it could get… Messy.” He laughed.

“Eeew!!” Steve let out a loud laugh as he pictured the likely outcome of that imaginary scenario. He was finally managing to fix the previous night’s fiasco, so he wouldn’t try to ruin it then. “Okay, but do you really want to go on rides? I’m a child, but you’re a respectable adult. I will be fine if we just go for the cotton candy. But I’ll go on rides too, sure. Any ride you want!”, he added as his eyes were glowing with excitement.

“Me? A respectable adult?” Bucky scoffed. “What is your favorite ride? I wanna go on that!”

“That would be the ferris wheel! It’s so nice up there!”

Before Bucky knew it, Steve had already gotten them tickets and dragged him to the line, as cheerfully as a child would. It didn’t take them too long to get on board, mainly because it was a  pretty massive ferris wheel, but also because there was a concert going on and many people seemed to be more attracted to it instead. As a matter of fact, the amusement park was probably twice as packed as it would usually be on a Saturday night, probably due to the concert, Steve thought. 

Bucky’s eyes roamed the place, wide and alert, and his hands were closed into tight fists. His jaw was clenched too, and Steve could see the cheekbones move. He considered asking what was wrong, but he prefered to remain quiet and give Bucky some space. They silently sat across from each other as the ferris wheel began to move. Soon enough, it stopped spinning so people could hop off and then on again, leaving them with a nice view of Brooklyn. Bucky was still tense, jaw clenched and fists tight, and Steve simply could not take it anymore. 

“Hey, are you alright?” Steve tried to sound as understanding as possible, but his voice probably sounded a bit too alarmed.

Bucky immediately looked at Steve, startled. “Yeah,” he shrugged. “Too much noise, is all.”

“Are you sure? I mean, I couldn’t help but notice… Well, nevermind.” Steve smiled, defeated, sighing and looking away. Of course Bucky wouldn’t tell him what was wrong, probably because Steve was the origin of his discomfort. That was the thing about celebrating too early, it always ended up like that. The control Steve thought he had gained over the situation seemed to have vanished and he now was sure that he had, somehow, blown it, again. Some things are not meant to be, apparently. At least he tried. 

However, as Steve observed the Brooklyn skyline and the rest of the park, a thought hit him as hard as a rock would. There was a concert going on, there were fireworks, children screaming… He had just brought a veteran to a battlefield. 

Good job, Steve.

It took him a few seconds to find the courage to say something to Bucky, whose eyes had been locked on a random spot on the floor the entire time. Steve slid on the seat and got a bit closer to Bucky. He didn’t know if he should address his stress or just do what Bucky had done when he caught Steve crying earlier that day and ignore it, but try and solve the issue. He lowered his voice, speaking as apologetically as he could while he looked at the veteran, choosing to follow his own advice.

“Hey, um… Do you mind if we go get the pizza somewhere else? There’s this really nice place I like to get delivery from, they’re great.”

Bucky finally lifted his gaze to look at Steve and a shy, but grateful smile popped up on the corner of his lips as he nodded.

The game was still on.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work has a playlist! Visit to listen to all the songs mentioned here :) 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtlgYxa6BMU&list=PL6qpdcZ2KtWlqE_U3ziQukOLiCZA2qg-U
> 
> How do you like it so far? Please don't hesitate to share your thoughts on what you think is coming up next! 
> 
> Thank you and see you next time!


	9. Angels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a bad first encounter and an awkward second meeting, things seem to be falling into place for Steve and Bucky, finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, it's been too long. I don't really have a lot to say other than "I'm sorry" and "please don't give up on us", really. It's been much harder to write, for a billion reasons, but as we have said it previously, this story is not over and we will keep working on it. It might take some time though, so here is a little something to make it easier to wait.
> 
> We hope you like this chapter! Please feel free to comment and let us know what you expect from the chapters that are to come!

> _ And with words unspoken _
> 
> _ A silent devotion _
> 
> _ I know you know what I mean _
> 
> _ And the end is unknown _
> 
> _ But I think I'm ready _
> 
> _ As long as you're with me _

**Angels - The xx**

 

“I’ve been having trouble sleeping,” Bucky began, looking at his open palms on his lap. Sometimes he felt a little disconnected from his own body and his hands seemed foreign to him.

“More than usual?” He heard Sam asking, and he could imagine what his face looked like by his tone: serious, with a slight frown.

Bucky tried to remember how he used to fall asleep before, usually without even noticing it, in front of the TV or petting Shuri after his morning run. It felt like a distant memory now. All he could think about was Steve’s blue eyes reflecting colorful lights as they sat at the top of Brooklyn on that Ferris Wheel.

“I don’t know, it’s- I guess it’s different now.” Bucky finally provided an answer. 

Sam expected him to say more, judging by the brief silence that followed. When Bucky didn’t say anything else, he asked: “How so?”

It had been almost a week since Bucky and Steve had gone out together. After pizza, they walked around Brooklyn, talking about everything and nothing, and commenting about things they observed around them as they walked. They saw the black sky turn orange at the break of dawn, neither of them wanting the night to end - at least Bucky expected to be reading Steve right. But the sun was coming upon them and Steve could barely keep his sleepy eyes open at the orange glow.

Bucky kept going back, inside his head, but sometimes the memories were all weird. He remembered Steve’s tiny blue eyes, his slightly crooked nose, his plump lips, and rosy cheeks. But for some reason, he wasn’t able to bring it all together to form Steve’s face, and it was driving him mad.

“My bones feel hollow,” he said, trying to revisit last night’s memories, when he was sitting on the toilet for a piss, staring at his hands the same way he was doing now. “But filled with ecstatic at the same time. It’s like I have anxiety in my bones.”

He looked up, giving Sam an apologetic smile.

Sam just nodded, but Bucky could hear him thinking  _ “If you took your damn meds, that wouldn’t be happening!” _

“What changed?” Sam asked instead.

A long sigh escaped Bucky. Well, he had to talk about it sometime, right?

“I’ve made a friend. He took me to Coney Island. I had a mild panic attack, I guess. But I survived.”

Bucky shrugged, remembering how ashamed he felt for not being able to control his reactions at the park.

“So you’re having anxiety over a new situation in your life, is that it?”

_ Or maybe I’m falling for a man who is probably straight _ , a voice inside Bucky’s brain said. So inconvenient!

“Yeah, I guess that’s it. He’s a great guy and, for once, I don’t wanna fuck it up.”

“I think you deserve a friend like that. Maybe he will put some sense into this stubborn brain of yours!”

“Or maybe he’ll just fuck me up and leave?” Bucky hated how broken his voice came out. He swallowed, giving Sam a sad smile that he was sure he could read right past.

Sam blinked a few times, propping himself forward and resting his forearms on his thighs as he looked directly into Bucky’s eyes.

“Listen, Bucky. You have to let people in, even if they end up hurting you. Because that’s what people do. They hurt each other, especially the ones they love. It doesn’t mean you have to part ways! It means you need to talk about it, communicate, figure out how to make things work! A life without conflict is impossible, and you can’t keep running away,” He paused. “You’re still at war with yourself, denying yourself. You do deserve good things, and you do deserve to be happy. I need you to believe that.”

It wasn’t the first time Sam had told him this. He was always telling him this. Maybe Bucky should start believing him…

______ 

“I am telling you!” Steve said, waving his hand in the air in desperation.

“Steve, no sane man would order bacon milkshake on purpose, let alone enjoy it. You should not trust this friend of yours!” Thor shook his head in disapproval, but smiled at Steve and his enthusiasm. It was evident that there had been some improvement in Steve’s mental health since the last time they saw each other and it made Thor happy to witness what Bruce has told him about over and over again while he was away.

Thor and Bruce had been in a relationship for a little over two years but, during the past year, Thor had been living in Los Angeles because of work. It had been tough on both of them, but they were trying hard to make it work. Thor had tried to convince Bruce to move to California with him, he had a nice flat there and the money he was making was quite good, but all that was not enough to convince him. Bruce wouldn’t leave Steve alone, he couldn’t. He was everything he had - well, not  _ literally  _ everything anymore, since Bucky had become a quite relevant figure in Steve’s life. It was non-negotiable to leave Steve.  _ Not yet. _

“Thor! Steve finally made a friend, don’t make him have second thoughts, please!” Bruce teased, also smiling as he joined his boyfriend on the couch.

“You can’t make me dislike him, okay? He’s… Great. Seriously great.” Steve sighed, looking out the window as to observe the orange leaves falling from the trees. He looked at his friends, their hands tied in a loving knot, and smiled. It made him so happy to see Bruce happy, he couldn’t quite explain. Thor was great, their relationship was great. It was everything he could have wished for when it came to Bruce.

Maybe someday, Steve thought, he could be this lucky, too.

“Anyway, I’ll get going, it’s time to give you lovebirds some time alone.” Steve stood up, walking towards the couch and embracing both of his friends lovingly. 

“Bye, Stevie-boy, let’s see if you can get this weird friend of yours to join us for a beer before I go back to Cali, eh?” Thor made sure to mess with Steve’s hair before he pulled away, which had the exact reaction he was aiming for: an overly dramatic eye roll. Thor saw it as a cue to hold the man’s head, putting him in a playful sleeper’s hold, laughing in delight.

“Sure thing, if you don’t strangle me to death before that, yeah.” As soon as Thor let go of him, Steve gasped even more dramatically, hugging Bruce but keeping his eyes on a very mischievous-looking Thor. 

“You take care of yourself, kiddo.” Bruce hugged him back and walked him to the door. 

“I will, Bruce. Thank you. Wear condoms.” Steve joked, waving as he left.

As an artist, it was hard for Steve not to love the autumn aesthetic. The many shades of orange, red and brown coloring the trees, the colder temperatures making people wear darker clothes, the seasonal vegetables coloring the farmer’s market, it all looked magic and cozy, exactly the way he liked. He couldn’t help but smile to himself as he walked towards the subway station. Thor was around, Bruce was happy and he was happy, too. Things felt right and there was no way things would get better, or at least that’s what he thought. 

He was so caught up in his own thoughts that it took him a while to notice his phone was ringing. He didn’t even have time to see who was calling, afraid that whoever it was would hang up. 

“Go for Rogers.”

“What happened to ‘hello’?”

“Adele ruined it! If I had said ‘hello’, you’d have gone for ‘it’s me’ and we would sing the entire song… Again.” Bucky’s voice brought an instant smile to Steve’s lips. “What are you up to, Buckitty Bucks?”

“Buckit- Oh, my God! Maybe I should hang up and call again when you’re a normal person!” Steve could clearly picture Bucky’s smile just from the way he sounded.

“Wow, look at that, ladies and gentlemen! The voice of normalcy!” Steve laughed, but soon changed his tone to a more polite one. “Seriously though, you probably called me because you had something to say, so I’ll shut up.”

“Yeah, I really did not call you only to hear your goofy voice!” Bucky cleared his throat “So, yeah, Natasha and Clint are inviting you to come to the bar tonight so you can all keep me company while I work. They wanna meet you.”

“Okay, so  _ they _ are inviting me? Not you? You don’t want me there? Cause if you don’t want to see me, I will  _ definitely _ go. What time?” Steve found himself on the subway. He had no recollection of how he got there but now that he had plans, the sooner he got home, the better.

“Yes, I would hate to see your ugly mug around here!” Bucky laughed. “They usually come around 8 o’clock, is that good for you?”

“Yeah, and my mug isn’t ugly! Wait, do I need to bring a mug? Don’t you have glasses or something?” Steve tried to sound innocent, which could work considering Bucky could not see his quite mischievous smirk. 

The line goes quiet and then Bucky sighs. “You know what? Do bring your mug. It’s bring your mug to the bar day!”

“Are you serious? Prepare to be SHOOK. See you later, Bucky-gator.” Steve shoved his phone back into his pocket before he could hear his friend’s disappointment. Bucky knew Steve was dramatic, but he was probably not aware of Steve’s “over-excitement” abilities. If Bucky wanted a mug… He would get one.

On the way home, Steve stopped by a dollar store and - luckily - found some colorful acrylic mugs. He bought four of them in different colors and walked home with a plan in his mind. As soon as he walked in, with his collection of sharpies in hand, Steve decorated each one of the mugs, making sure each one was properly identified with their future owners’ names in different, and very fancy, lettering. He made Clint’s green mug with tribal patterns, Nat’s mug was red and it had several roses mixed with skulls and bones. The purple mug, which he bought to himself, was covered in stars and doodles of all kinds. They all looked pretty nice to Steve. Then again, neither of those were the real challenge, the one he wanted to make perfect. That one would be the turquoise mug that was in front of Steve. 

At first, he didn’t know exactly what to do for Bucky’s. As he stared into the mug and tried to figure something out, he had the most brilliant idea he could have possibly thought of and right then he started working on it. After a good forty minutes, Bucky’s work of art was done: a space-like mug with cats piloting flying saucers and all the planets of the solar system. Pluto was also there because Steve refused to ignore it. He had put so much effort into the mug that, for a moment, he stopped keeping track of time. He made sure, once again, that he had used permanent markers - oh, the  _ fear _ ! - and proceeded to go get some rest so he could shower and get ready for the get-together in a few hours. 

Steve was unable to understand why the idea of meeting Bucky made him nervous. He had never felt this anxious when he knew he would see Bruce or Thor. That was new, probably because Bucky was a friend that was only his, he wasn’t sure. All he knew was that, as he looked at himself in the mirror, there were pterodactyls, not butterflies, flying around in his stomach. Time had passed by so quickly that he only had enough time to take a quick nap, eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and get ready to leave. He picked up the mugs, which he had placed in iridescent plastic gift bags, his leather jacket and took a deep breath before he left. He was definitely nervous.

-

Bucky had been drying the same glass for too long and the dish rag he was using was almost dry now. His anxiety was acting up, because he was nervous about his friends meeting Steve. He had chewed down a whole pack of mints and now he had a cold sensation in his stomach.

The bar was almost empty, save for a group of fraternity dudes who were regulars.

“Earth to Bucky Barnes!” Pietro’s voice on Bucky’s side almost made him drop the glass, but his coworker promptly put his hands under Bucky’s, ready to catch the glass if it fell. Gladly Bucky was able to hold the edges of the glass between his fingers, saving it from its death.

Pietro took his hands back, because people did know better than to touch Bucky at this point.

“You okay?” He asked.

“Yeah,” Bucky shook his head, putting the glass back on its place. “Just distracted.”

Pietro Maximoff was a nice guy. Despite being the youngest between the employees at the bar, he was always a mom to all of them. Always checking in on everyone, always making sure everyone was okay. It was sweet. He once brought brownies his sister had made and it was the sweetest thing - the brownies and the gesture. Maybe if he weren’t so young, maybe Bucky would try and, damn, who was Bucky kidding? He had no idea how to date anymore.

He was nervous about Steve meeting his friends, for God’s sake! And he used to be so good at this, using his army uniform to woo boys back in the day.

Not that this was the type of relationship he and Steve were having, of course! Steve was just a friend. Who was meeting Bucky’s friends. And who made Bucky’s stomach fill with a thousand mint flavoured bees.

He served another round of beer to the college guys, who were now playing poker and making a lot of noise. It was the kind of noise Bucky was used to, though, so it didn’t really bother him. It was actually fun to watch, and a nice distraction from the chaos in his mind.

It was not much later after the table’s fifth round that Nat and Clint arrived. Clint gave Bucky a pat on the back and Natasha kissed his cheek - which usually meant she was on a good mood. Bucky checked the clock, the bees started buzzing in his stomach again.

“Don’t worry, James! We’ll be nice to him,” Nat reassured him.

Bucky rolled his eyes and served them both their favorite beer. He was suddenly very aware of how lucky he was for having them as friends, and the way his life was suddenly changing was scary and exciting at the same time. Sam was right. Bucky deserved to have good things in his life. And tonight was going to be a good night.

“Of course you will be nice to him, he’s an actual man-puppy. And you can’t just be mean to a puppy,” he joked.

“I’m definitely curious,” Clint spoke around his beer and turned his chair around so he could watch the TV.

“You know I’m a cat person!” Natasha protested, but her voice was too soft to be taken seriously.

Bucky laughed and was about to ask what had Nat so happy when he saw a familiar face entering through the door.

**-**

Steve entered the bar with an insecure smile on his lips, mugs very nicely hidden in a paper bag under his jacket. It felt like it was the first day of class, but somehow he was even more nervous than he would have been if he were entering a classroom instead. He looked at where he knew he would find Bucky and, to his surprise, he was actually there, laughing amused as a redhead said something he couldn’t quite understand. He walked towards them, trying to look serious as he spoke, resting his free arm on the counter casually.

“Hey, uh… I heard there’s an event happening today, has it started?” Steve definitely sounded a bit nervous, but he was trying hard to play it cool.

Bucky smiled brightly when he noticed Steve’s presence. “Oh, you’re just in time!” He turned to his friends. “Guys, this is Steve Rogers. Steve, meet Natasha and Clint Romanoff” He smirked.

Clint rolled his eyes. “Clint  _ Barton _ !” The man offered his hand to Steve.

“Steve Rogers, nice to meet you, Clint  _ Barton _ !” Steve shook his hand tightly, smiling with the corner of his lips. He turned to Natasha, not knowing exactly how to approach her. She looked like she was nice to her friends, but definitely deadly to her enemies and Steve wasn’t quite sure where he would fit in the spectrum yet. He ended up offering his hand to her, but looking quickly at Bucky for approval. “I assume you’re Natasha. I’ve heard lovely things about you.” Steve said politely, wondering if that had been a nice move. 

“Natasha Romanoff, yes. Nice to meet you, Steve. Nice to put a face and a body to the name Bucky won’t stop talking about!” She winked at Steve, ignoring Bucky’s glare as she shook his hand.

“I can definitely say the same. He seems to like you too, Clint, I promise he has mentioned you once. Maybe twice.” Steve joked as he felt a bit safer around Natasha. She didn’t seem to be interested in taking his life that night. He placed his jacket on the counter and proceeded to hand his new friends his little surprise as he clarified himself. “Bucky is a terrible host, so I assumed he totally forgot to tell you it’s a ‘bring your mug to the bar’ night. Because I am clearly nicer than him, though, I brought you mugs so you wouldn’t feel left out. I brought you one too, booze man.” As he handed Bucky his mug, Steve smiled at his friend, that good old ‘nice to see you’ smile they had exchanged a few times. He was happy this was happening. “Thanks for the invitation, Buck.”

Bucky took the mug in his hands, inspecting it with an amused smile on his lips. “Nice work!”

“You made these?” Natasha asked, looking impressed.

“Yeah! I mean, no. Like, not the mugs. I bought the mugs. At a shop, I bought them. And then I… Well, I made… These.” Steve was probably as red as a tomato as he tried to explain himself. Despite being an artist, he didn’t really feel comfortable showing his art to other people.

“They’re awesome!” Clint admitted and proceeded to pour his beer from the bottle into the mug. Steve noticed Clint was wearing hearing aids, which confused him a little. He was definitely not going to mention them now, but he would probably ask Bucky about them later.

“Not ugly at all!” Bucky smirked, carefully placing his mug on the counter, eyes locked on Steve’s as they shared their inside joke.

Steve smiled proudly, happy that his friend had enjoyed it. He picked his own mug and placed it on the counter. “Can you fill it up with good stuff please?”

“Of course! What are you having, sir?”

“I want a Steve Rogers. Whatever that is.” He smirked, pointing at some colorful bottles of liquor. Steve was a grown man, after all. He could have some alcohol.

\----

The night could not have been more incredible to Steve. Bucky’s friends, Clint and Nat - he would definitely stop calling her Natasha - were great people, the bar wasn’t too crowded and he got to listen to embarrassing stories about Bucky, share a few of his own and have a great time. At one point, he was even promoted to barman, which was fun at first. He managed to make an acceptable Mojito, but literally everything else was a complete disaster. When he tried a simple trick with a shaker and ended up covered in what was supposed to become a Cosmopolitan, they all agreed that it was time to call it a night and go home.

Steve was definitely drunk, but surprisingly, he didn’t feel bad about it. It wasn’t like he was the only one who had some alcohol in his system, everyone else had enjoyed a few drinks as well, but he was definitely the one with the lowest tolerance. Clint and Natasha called a cab and he intended on doing the same, but Bucky thought it was a safer idea to bring Steve along as he walked to his apartment and let him crash on his couch. Steve wasn’t a big fan of sleeping out but he did feel safer that way, too. 

The walk towards Bucky’s place was fun and brief, the two friends exchanging jokes and comments along the way. In fact, Steve did notice that Bucky had been acting differently the whole night - and it was definitely not in a bad way. Steve saw him smiling more often, he even got to hear and watch him laugh to the point of getting teary. He seemed way more comfortable than usual to crack jokes and express himself without caring about the rest of the world. It could be the alcohol, sure, but Steve was pretty positive that this night at the bar had helped this friendship reach a new milestone. Progress was being made and Steve could not be happier.

As soon as they made it to their final destination, Steve was only able to get rid of his clothes and throw himself on Bucky’s couch wearing his Spider-Man boxers because he was a strong, independent man like that. By the time Bucky came back with a pillow and a couple of bed sheets, Steve was already in dreamland. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This work has a playlist! Visit to listen to all the songs mentioned here :) (it will be updated constantly as more songs are mentioned)  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KtlgYxa6BMU&list=PL6qpdcZ2KtWlqE_U3ziQukOLiCZA2qg-U
> 
> We also apologize for taking (way) longer than expected to update but please have faith. This story is far from over.


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